Monday, February 28
teenage problemthe giant pimple in the middle of my nose keeps bleeding so often i may need a blood transfusion sooner or later.
like a
like a prophecy came true, right under the soothsayer's supervision. a call from some kind of visionary. and i was off.
and what later transpired was a mission briefing like none other. i would have to fight against history. of past demons gone untamed within my own camp. of past demons gone untamed beyond my own camp.
oh screw history. as if i have had not enough of it in school.
to take down the city walls is one matter. not that it is of utmost simplicity. to huff and puff and blow the house down only to find a fortification 10 times stronger would be a totally different proposition altogether. and that proposition i have to seek.
great wars are won or lost in the little skirmishes. yet winning the little skirmishes guarantees nothing.
to take the bridge, i fear not the men and cavalry. but the troll that lies beneath.
to seek the truth, the walls within the walls, the puffing i have to undertake.
monumental.
i will huff. and i will puff. but something tells me. i will never be able to blow the house down.
if you.
it didn't materialise. whilst constantly optimistic i somehow felt it would not materialise. and i was right. so not that bad a disappointment. just get it out of the system NOW.
so wait i shall. i'm just happy and relieved you got what you want and worked for.
and i probably just realised this will be a longer, harder struggle than i ever might have braced myself for.
i am ready. failure means nothing to me. besides, you probably do. close to everything.
or what if i am never even allowed to step out. -wonders wonders-
let me revel in the carling cup victory for a while more. the mundane troubles of human life can wait a bit. as i rejoice in achievements that are essentially not mine.
no i am NOT studying.
if so then when will i achieve something i can truly call mine. wait till. wait for.
maybe i should choose to go on in a void and i'd be less conscious. less consciousness means less worries.
but then again i might always have operated in a void. endless entrapment of my various thoughts overlapping one another causing this void to seem much more occupied than it should be. i never listen do i.
everytime i feel like this you manage to vanquish the ghosts.
but everytime i feel like this.
why do i even worry. one may ask. it's just a game.
oh no it's not.
okay Chelsea are carling cup champions.
Carling Cup Final: In Pictures
riise puts one past cech in the 44th second
Chelsea crank up the pressure
gerrard looks on in dismay as he scores a decisive own goal. are you a Chelsea player already stevie??
Drogba squeezes the ball past a hapless dudek in extra time. 2-1 to Chelsea!
it's been a long, hard and mostly fruitless season for kezman. but he rejoices after scoring what was to be the goal that won the cup for Chelsea.
paulo ferreira and drogba celebrate
champions!
pictures courtesy of soccernet and BBC sport.
Chelsea: Carling Cup Champions
always a great feeling to see your side lifting trophies. first time i've seen this in four or five long years.
i'm not that sure about the champions league, although i'd love it. but the premiership trophy presentation would feel even better i believe.
liverpool scored in the 44th SECOND. and Chelsea had to fight back. and fight back they did.
BLUE is the colour! yippee.
Sunday, February 27
at last, i get some
finally got some today. wasn't a lot. i forced myself onto d econs tys. and persuasion notes.
didn't get a lot done. but at least it's a step in the right direction.
anthony and cleopatra tml. i keep forgetting.
what i can't forget i can't forget. and it sticks. and it's really more than just a game now.
i'm feeling too much to pretend that i don't care now.
things always used to go wrong. somewhere, something seems cursed. much like the chelsea effect, just that things haven't really got better.
what more would i give to ensure all goes well this time. what more could i give to ensure all goes well this time.
Saturday, February 26
within me
where there still had left, some feeling
laid a seed of uncertainty
that threatens to grow, to leave me reeling
and the clock ticks by
and to pretend, to look unfeeling
dark light of day breaks
for nightfall, i begin steeling
rather like an orange
my heart, in layers peeling
yet i still dream of the sun
where away in joy, i'd be wheeling
and you'd know there'd be more than it seems
for you it is, lay me down here kneeling
oh
oh i don't know at all. maybe i should just not expect too much.
Friday, February 25
it's you
and just all the little things you do. all the little things you say. =D
the Chelsea effect
this is not written by me, and in fact taken from a post on d cfc-net forum. i swear, this is how it feels like supporting Chelsea. and it's so true i don't know to laugh or cry. however, no matter what he says i can't imagine anything other than a Chelsea victory at the Carling Cup final on sunday!
To all you newbies out there - this is exactly what it's been like supporting Chelsea for 35 years.
They suck you in until you think you're actually gonna do something amazing and then fate/the CFC effect combine to snatch it all away from you.
It's like with "big" signings, it seems every season we sign somebody (usually a striker / flair player) who is going to set the division alight - but ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING HAPPENS - they lose form spectacuarly (Fleck , Sutton, Kezman) or just cannot settle (Crespo, Veron ) OR their career is ended before it started (Casiraghi / Elliot / Laudrup).
Years ago I could laugh at all this but these days instead of expecting us to fail I'm expecting us to win and it hurts even more when we don't. I truly believe that something at the club is cursed.
A word of warning - This season we've beaten Liverpool twice and been the 2nd best team twice - although every fibre in my body is Chelsea through and through and I'm willing the team to win on Sunday - I just know we won't. It's the Chelsea way - we'll dominate the game for 89 minutes with Gudjohnsen caught offside 85 times and Kezman hitting the bar 4 times when Liverpool get a corner which hits Gerrard on the back of the head and deflects in off the Refs behind for a one nil victory to the Reds.
Then Gerrard will move to Chelsea in the summer and break both his legs falling out of the coach on the way to our first away game of the season thus ending his career. Mark my words its written in the stars.
lol.
Thursday, February 24
FC barcelona 2-1 Chelsea
while i can go on and on about the unfair sending off of drogba, i'd say their attack was too much for our defence. and how often can u say that about our defence?
11-on-11 it was fair and balanced. 11-on-10 just gave them the initiative to swamp us. the ref has almost decided the tie and he knows it.
sch = worse than average.
school was worse than average.
it wasn't that bad at all in all seriousness. but i never planned for one moment not seeing that face. and that smile. and. and just that presence.
i shall just keep telling myself that i'm in control. and i am. i believe so. and nth will happen to me if nth happens.
you're oh-so-unpredictable.
soccer during pe was trashy. badminton after sch was great fun. soccer after badminton was just brilliant. i feel great. i'm in d form of my life and i'm whacking goals in from all angles.
dead tired. oh god how will i ever get to my notes at this rate?
econs test on national income nxt week. lit test on persuasion nxt week.
oh and i finally bought persuasion yesterday. three cheers for me.
i have no idea how to end. signing off.
Wednesday, February 23
jokers inc.
sonia, me and sunil on d cab to little india:-
sonia: there's this really good prata shop. we can eat prata there okay. the prata there damn good. etcetcetc. (she just goes on and on abt how great the prata is)
me and sunil: okay. fine.
(sonia directs cab driver to the coffeeshop with great prata)
- at the coffeeshop-
sunil to sonia: u sit down first i help u order.
sonia: two plain prata!
me to coffeeshop uncle: do you have prata?
uncle: no. sorry. we don't sell prata.
Dear Jose:
arsenal have henry. manure have van nistelhorse. barcelona have eto'o. milan have shevchenko and inter have adriano. southampton have camara. heck even villareal have forlan.
Chelsea just don't have this someone who can score 20+ goals a season.
i know you like to scour the net looking out for fans' views. so pls pls pls read this!
keep drogba, for i understand we need his strength, pace and power in the rough and tumble of the premiership. keep gudjohnson, his linkup play and holding up of the ball quite brilliant.
the top scoring Chelsea player last season ironically never played for Chelsea. it's mikael forssell. playing for the likes of birmingham he has impressed. why not throw him into our Chelsea side? with people like lampard, robben and duff providing the service for him maybe, just maybe, we would see his undoubted potential, someone whose emergence is long overdue.
maybe, send kezman out on loan. he will take time to find his feet in english football, and he needs to be at the charltons and boltons of the premiership to get regular first team football. once he starts firing at a better goalscoring rate than van nistelrooy (he used to be betta than van nistelhorse in holland)
or, contrary to belief, we don't have to break the bank to get a top striker. michael owen anyone? he is someone, who when fit, will do so so well. he doesn't have to take time settle in to english football, and we must remember it was his goals that has kept liverpool in respectable positions for so many years.
throw loads of cash at him, promise him regular starts, and the allure of playing for a club which will definitely get bigger than real madrid may just seem too much.
yours sincerely,
Ed
p.s. i'd be more than happy to give my views of Chelsea anytime anyday!
on one hand, i feel myself getting more and more sure about this.
on the other hand, i am not sure if it is really what i want.
what i know is that i think of it all so often.
Tuesday, February 22
gmail
anyone wants gmail? i have FIFTY invites now.
by d way, if anyone of you do not know what is gmail, it is actually a web-based email service, very similar to hotmail. the key difference lies in storage size. whereas hotmail provides 2mb, gmail provides 1gb, which is 1000mb, or 500 times the size of hotmail.
just drop me a tag or msg or anything. strangers welcome to ask for gmail accts too!
while i..
while i went back to cvss for debate, it doesn't mean that i'm really enjoying it there. in fact i dun really think we're much needed anymore.
while i am trying. not trying very hard but still trying, to get back my "studying" mood, it's not working. sunil says he studies every night. not sure if he really means it. i really really wanna be able to do it, if i weren't so tired everyday when i am at home.
while my ipod mini is running out of space, while i appeared oh-so-determined to get rid of it, i did not. i just couldn't bear to part with it. i'd be parting with money i refuse to part with. or maybe it's just the dents that make it so special.
while i don't appear serious about this thing i undertake, i am. i just make believe i am not. i want to still be in control of myself. i want things to be alright. and perhaps, all right.
Monday, February 21
mini-crisis
facing some kind of a mini-crisis now. quite literally.
just got my hands on 2 r.e.m. albums. one is their "in time" album which is actually their collection of the greatest hits. the other is the new album "around the sun".
after transferring d songs into my ipod mini it has only about 1.1gb of space left. how long more to go before i exhaust the space in there???
dun think i can sell my ipod mini for anywhere near market price. coz it has 2 dents. i'd be lucky even to get rid of it. you can say it's stuck with me. but i hope not.
lookin for the 20gb ipod now.
anyway sch was okay. no. it was slightly better than okay.
you just brighten my day with that simple silly gesture of yours. =)
stay cool with these hot tips!
recently the weather is damn hot. here are 15 tips to stay cool, provided by talkingcock.com.
1. Go and wash your car. Sure rain shortly after that.
2. Try to buaya a supermodel. She'll give you the cold shoulder.
3. Go to 7-11 and buy a Slurpee and drink it real fast. You will kena brain freeze.
4. The same effect can be achieved by watching any MediaCock channel.
5. Go to the Jurong Bird Park and get a lap dance from a penguin.
6. Drink lots of beer. It may warm you up even more, but then you won't notice after a while.
7. Go and surf the Young PAP website. It will chill you to the bone.
8. Go to Geylang and ask a China mei mei how much for a blow job, then offer $2 for her to just blow the hot air away from you.
9. Go and kachau the Gahmen and let the ISD give you the Air-Con Treatment.
10. Use a very big stick. (Okay, so that was si beh corny, but who can think properly in such hot weather?) i dun think i get this. someone help me?
11. Stand in Moses Lim's shadow.
12. Get hit by a car. Enjoy the breeze as you fly through the air.
13. Become a Minister. Earn a million bucks to buy yourself a tok kong fan.
14. Join the PAP. Enjoy the frosty glare of your friends.
15. Apply for a permit to conduct a political demonstration. If it's granted, even hell will freeze over.
newcastle 1-0 Chelsea
i never had a good feeling bout this match. mourinho had much earlier planned to field reserves.
but if there was any higher being involved in some kind of conspiracy against Chelsea, he really really shouldn't have made it so obvious.
only 4 mins gone and kluivert scores. good goal. great header. cheers to him.
then kezman hits the post.
half time score 1-0. and mourinho makes decisive move to bring on duff, lampard and gudjohnson. meaning no more subs.
bridge breaks his ankle. Chelsea play with one man less.
duff injured. gallas injured. cudicini injured. they limp on.
cudicini wrongly sent off for "professional foul". glen johnson goes into goal. and he makes a really great save. i was laughing. i swear man. this will be the only freaking time you'd catch me laughing when Chelsea's losing.
and even titus bramble was playing well.
cudicini was playing today, safe in the knowledge that he would be there at cardiff at next week's carling cup final. and it was all dashed by the ref. if i were him i'd be absolutely gutted.
everything feels strange now. it all feels ominous in this most important week of Chelsea's season.
please let everything be alright. barcelona up next.
Sunday, February 20
restaurant review
went out with my family fer lunch. dad decided to treat us to smth nice as if last night's dinner wasn't good enough. and i swear was greatgreatgreat.
buffet lunch at this place called pariss. and omg they had everything. sushi. jap food. all sorts of seafood. bbq salmon and dory and some meats. no pork coz it's halal.
and there was some fried stuff lyk chicken. and satay.
and then there was dimsum. free flow of sharks fin soup lol. and some very nice cakes. CHEESECAKE for eg. hah. and then there was drinks and ice cream and etc.
the food was good not only in terms of variety but mostly in terms of quality and taste it was good too.
in terms of ambience the restaurant had it all. very comfortable seats and lighting and music.
and probably best of all, it costs only $29.50++ per head. together with GST and svc charge it shld add up to ard $34. very gd value if u ask me.
hah. that was perhaps the highlight of d day i guess.
went to temple. not that i was really keen. smoky place and very warm. as if it wasnt hot enough outside.
just just finished my GP. almost done with my econs but i really have no idea how to carry on for my part B and am sick and tired of getting 11/25. so im gonna go to sch and hopefully get some help tml.
i love gp. i like lit. i hate history and i am while im still greatly interested in econs im getting a bit sick of it.
let's have some shoutouts now. i think i shall reply to tag msgs here from now on. more emphasis and attention being paid to readers? feel touched now people. and tag more.
pr3lude: who are you exactly?
gm: no it's not okay. the refs were not okay coz they were supposed to enforce the letter of the law yet they know nothing of whatever letter they were supposed to enforce. maybe ur ref was good. yongcheng at least knows about soccer.
ME: who is me? i mean. "me", who are you?
seems like im seeing a rise in unknown ppl tagging my blog. not that i really mind but why the suspence???
Saturday, February 19
tons of work
tons of work. gp. econs. rwanda essay. all half done as of now.
dinner somewhere later. i dig restaurant dinners.
just got my hands on d snow patrol album. brill stuff.
"don't sweat the small stuff" is a great book. hope to be able to finish reading something for the first time in my life.
i'm off.
like sunshine after rain
like the first raindrops in a drought. like an oasis in a desert. my aircon is fixed.
sch was slightly better than okay. =)
debate finals was okay. whole thing went okay.
just when i removed a brick from one wall, another wall is built. helpppp.
madcap journey with a madcap taxi driver and madcap sunil. went round and round orchard road. got to borders and some construction site instead of NLB orchard. chingay chingay. (private joke)
acjc won. surprise surprise.
get together with d rest was fun. but i was all tired out at d end of d day. blizzard chocolate chip ice cream sucked totally.
ohwell. im here blogging. that means party postponed. roar.
i love d way i am getting abstract and mentally-stimulating when im just bloggin bout my day. nobody wants to read boring narrations.
bah.
Thursday, February 17
all tired out
i slept at 7 ytd. after almost 40 hours without sleep i think it isn't that unreasonable is it.
football today was great. lots of footballers will tell you that scoring a goal is actually better than having sex, without actually informing their missus. i think i would second that. not that i had sex before. but i believe that scoring a goal would still be nicer.
it's d invites of the finals tml. after that i think there would b nth to occupy ourselves with during debate. yay.
i really do hope after tt d outing actually materialises. it's been too many times we've said we would go and then we don't.
freaking warm night.
i'm finally able to put this into coherent language: i am never going to let my heart take control of me ever again. mind over matter.
i want to sleep. but it's still a freaking warm night.
okay not that constantly saying it's warm would make it cooler. aircon man is coming soon i think/hope.
the letter to UN is coming along fine. i am just scared that it is too long. shall let ms chiew see it first. heh. i want that ipod shuffle! for myself. perhaps. just for collection sake. sorry kitson.
Wednesday, February 16
bad hair day
so i went to get a haircut. i told that guy "just a lil shorter than the last time round". i'm almost bald now.
oh shit
i'm feeling quite tired. but i can't get to sleep.
it was the same scenario immd after the cross country.
and then again it was the same scenario immd after the cross country.
i am gonna be in control from now on.
it hurts when she doesn't even wanna look at all. and for once i think i could say: it was all my fault. i set myself up for this. am i supposed to walk away?
i think alvin is in love.
ain't it great trying to make myself a bit more depressed? maybe i can sleep better.
i truly believe it now. although i always truly believe in stuff. an eternal optimist. and with an ever-so-pessimistic view of life.
my ipod takes hours to charge.
i played football today. and then rushed home. and then rushed to town. and it's past 1am now. and i am not sleepy.
screw it. this isn't helping.
on the other side of the coin...
my day was quite substantially lifted in d evening. finally finally watched hotel rwanda. it was a super gripping show. and i swear it probably one of the best i ever watched.
met two new friends. who came along with shangming (debate j1). basket lah. sonia flew my aeroplane at the last minute. so i just went alone. i really don't wanna miss watching it again. and i already paid for the ticket anyway.
quite a mad rush home after d soccer thingy. bathed then cabbed down to town. im broke.
i am gonna write the "letter". ipod shuffle awaits! lol.
Tuesday, February 15
bad loser
i am a bad loser. yes that is true. i hate losing. i take defeats damn hard.
but if you hear me out i have reasons to be a sore loser today. yes we screwed up our soccer tournament. we lost to a bunch of j1s in the first round when ppl were expecting us to go damn far.
firstly, half the time those people in charge weren't even watching out for goals. it was qute a clear warning of their incompetence or disinterest. as if that wasn't bad enough..
secondly. they declared that we would follow street soccer rules. MEANING: no outfield players are allowed to enter both the d-areas, first and above all. (penalty areas)
one opponent attacker was CLEARLY in the d-area when he "scored" the "goal". one particular councillor let the goal stand. and then when someone asked if there's a half-court rule (meaning that players must be over the halfway line before being allowed to shoot on goal) he gave a resounding NO.
however, according to "street soccer rules", the set of rules that was supposed to be implemented for this competition, there is supposed to be a half-court rule.
therefore, it has come down to someone who doesn't know ANYTHING about street soccer trying and FAILING to implement street soccer rules.
no point complaining about all this really. not like they would rescind the results. but it sticks like a black eye.
please. i actually hope some councillor is reading this. while organising the futsal tournament may just be going through the motions for you guys; to organise something for friendship week just for the sake of having something to mark the occasion, it actually means a lot to a number of people out there.
i hope firstly that there would be one more such tournament, and secondly that competent officials be appointed.
alright end of bitching.
friend in need
when a friend is in need of some help the last thing i would want my parents to do is to go on and on about how i should think of myself and what would happen to me and that they are very worried for me and that i should just ignore them and ask someone else to go and, i quote them, "be the hero".
yes i understand that as my parents they would be worried and not without reason. but can't they see that life isn't always like that. is it then right for them to teach their son to be selfish and always put self-interest ahead of anything else? my little sister no doubt heard our quarrel. what effect would it have on her young mind then?
i did what i had to do. shall not go into details. confidentiality. i doubt i would be able to get back to slp if i had ignored them anyway.
Monday, February 14
vday
vday went almost like any other day. aside from some amplified feelings and the buzz ard the sch. nothing really dramatic though.
played football. my fitness is now again down the drain after a few days stuffing myself with chinese new yr goodies. thankfully i had this run out today. at least i think i'd be in better condition tml.
anyway it seems lyk d post-vday activities are gonna be great! check out my schedule if you like. things are certainly looking good.
and yes i got a reprieve! hah. the sch has somehow managed to get lido to screen hotel rwanda. ROAR. i am so not gonna miss it. but well. i'll have to play football. rush home. bathe. and rush to lido. woo. gosh. a schedule capable of challenging the most organised person.
well. studies-wise. SHIT. i needa get back some form of momemtum. and my econs essays are quite worrying considering that some ppl r doing really well and i'm lyk lagging.
Sunday, February 13
random ramblings
d swelling is not getting any better. of course it'd be stupid to expect it to get better so soon. but apparantly it's got worse.
and there was dad the physio. it was excruciating just sitting there letting him do my leg. i had to constantly remind myself to relax. so as not to get into fits or get some painful jaw and muscle cramps.
i'll do anything lah. just to be fit for tuesday.
oh yeah. and i do need a haircut.
and yes and yes. someone pls remind me to buy toto for this thursday. $10million draw!!! woo. queues would be freaking long tho.
it's vday eve. i've gotta admit it feels quite empty to be seeing couples lovey-dovey hand-in-hand tgt when i am sucha lonelyheart. it just gets worse on vday. and everywhere u go, like candy stores or flower shops. doesn't help. it doesn't mean i'm in desperate need for a girl. but you know that inner self just wishing you had someone? tt kinda feeling, i think it happens to everyone of us. at least once in a while. nothing disgraceful in actually saying it out.
i think it's almost been 5 months since my last real relationship. if you could even call it that. maybe you can't. i'm sure i would look back at it with fondness. it was the one time i felt the most. loved the most, like none other before and after. and as the story goes hurt the most. with everything measured in superlatives it kinda lasted the shortest. just like fireworks, spectacular yet shortlived. i still have some photos though.
i'm not sure if she's reading this. but if she is then i'm sure she'll know who i'm referring to. i hope you're doing great. and i actually do miss you. maybe we can meet up sometime and talk? buzz me up. gimme a call or smth.
oh wow. it's been a really long random rambling. anyway. to appear less bitter (lol) i shall wish all lovestruck people a happy valentine's.
i hate weekends...
weekends with nothing to do, in particular. i'm fine with busy weekends. weekends spent being out with my buddies out. basically i hate being stuck at home on weekends.
some ppl have girl/boyfriends to go out with during weekends. some have church. some people are able to find friends at a click of a finger to go out with during weekends. i don't. -envious
just had some kind of a bathroom disaster. my shins hurt now and there is some swelling. yikes. i just wanna be alright for d footie tournament on tuesday.
everton 0-1 Chelsea
that was a rather nervous 90 minutes or so. against man city, it felt like Chelsea were never going to score. against everton, i knew we were. but wayward shooting from tiago and lampard all the time. i think they must have took 10 shots between them. also combined with great goalkeeping from martyn. really frustrating. joe cole put in a untypically effective performance, not too much showboating. gudjohnson grabbed d tap-in from a rebound in d 69th min when gallas' shot had hit the post.
everton were by no means cakewalk. but stupid james beattie went to heatbutt gallas in the 8th minute. and his side had to play the next 80 mins a man less. even if gallas really did make the most out of the challenge i'd say he was just being professional. beattie shldnt have done it la. stupid. and right in front of the ref.
12 points clear now. at least for tonight. even if manure and arsenal win we'll still be 9 points clear. ppl dun seem to realise than 9 points is still a lot. and i hope gary neville shuts up.
and petr cech has now gone 967 minutes without conceding. that equates to 16 hours and 7 mins. the last time he had to pick the ball out of the net was dec 12: thierry henry's debatable quick freekick. 2 months without conceding a goal! woo. long may it continue.
the world record stands at 1275 mins, set by abel resino of athletico madrid in 1991. 309 minutes to go. =D
i had a (strange) dream...
...of this girl i don't even know. and she kind of saved me. i saw her face then. i remember her face now. but i have never seen that face anywhere else in real life before.
i've been getting wierd dreams.
Friday, February 11
hotel rwanda...
...has officially stopped playing in cinemas. WTF?
the robot
i chanced upon this poem. it was not written by me. yes it is long. but if you read it i'm sure you'll agree with me: this is extraordinary. as someone who likes to try and write stuff like that it hurts to know i would hardly be able to pen anything of such quality.
Upon the stairway of despair,
Complete with broken love affairs
And promises that never came,
But faded with a touch of shame,
A pretty girl with golden hair
And innocence so sadly rare,
Strove to keep her head above
A way of life devoid of love.
Feeling pinned against Life's wall,
She chanced upon a robot tall
And said, "Please come and share with me
Whatever Fate has deemed to be.
I'm through with love, done with chances
Spirit crushed by past romances,
Just be a friend in word and deed.
That's all that I shall ever need."
"There's not too much from me to learn,"
Remarked the robot, in return.
"Emotions do not form a part
of my cold, solid-steel heart.
Whatever maker fashioned me
Did not permit my circuitry
Responsiveness to love or pain -
You're thoughts for me would be in vain."
"No matter", spoke the maid. "No more
Do I wish passion to explore.
Be someone I can come home to
When my exhausting day is through.
Count yourself a well-worn shoe -
A friend that I can slip into . . .
Protection from a stone cold floor . . .
For this I ask and nothing more."
Agreement made, he took her hand
And lived the life that she had planned,
Always willing, not demanding,
Aiding her with understanding
He made her smile with humorous wit
(As his restrictions would permit)
And, bit by bit, she came to feel
That he was more than iron and steel.
"I love you, robot", she at last
Replied when several months had passed.
"You're strength and quiet dignity
Have brought a wondrous change in me.
No more do I feel all alone,
And pray you must be flesh and bone.
Deep-set emotions you MUST feel
Within that outer coat of steel!"
"If I were able, I would say
I'm sorry I was made this way
But my design and programmation
Does not provide for that creation
Of feelings normal men may feel
That were not born of iron and steel.
I told you all this once before.
You have no right expecting more."
"Go, then!" cried she. "I will not live
Beside a fiend who cannot give!
Though I be battered by misuse,
Misguided trust and strong abuse,
At least the men I chose were real
And had the power to love and feel.
Of all the lovers I recall,
You are the cruelest one of all!"
The robot, indestructible,
Continues freely and at will.
Emotionless, apparently,
But, bearing closer scrutiny,
One can see a small tear streak
Down that cold, metallic cheek
As I reflect upon my life . . .
That lovely lady was my wife.
The robot, of course, was me.
the robot
i chanced upon this poem. it was not written by me. it is long yes. but if you read it you'll find it's extraordinary. as someone who loves writing stuff like that it hurts to know i would hardly ever be able to write like this
Upon the stairway of despair,
Complete with broken love affairs
And promises that never came,
But faded with a touch of shame,
A pretty girl with golden hair
And innocence so sadly rare,
Strove to keep her head above
A way of life devoid of love.
Feeling pinned against Life's wall,
She chanced upon a robot tall
And said, "Please come and share with me
Whatever Fate has deemed to be.
I'm through with love, done with chances
Spirit crushed by past romances,
Just be a friend in word and deed.
That's all that I shall ever need."
"There's not too much from me to learn,"
Remarked the robot, in return.
"Emotions do not form a part
of my cold, solid-steel heart.
Whatever maker fashioned me
Did not permit my circuitry
Responsiveness to love or pain -
You're thoughts for me would be in vain."
"No matter", spoke the maid. "No more
Do I wish passion to explore.
Be someone I can come home to
When my exhausting day is through.
Count yourself a well-worn shoe -
A friend that I can slip into . . .
Protection from a stone cold floor . . .
For this I ask and nothing more."
Agreement made, he took her hand
And lived the life that she had planned,
Always willing, not demanding,
Aiding her with understanding
He made her smile with humorous wit
(As his restrictions would permit)
And, bit by bit, she came to feel
That he was more than iron and steel.
"I love you, robot", she at last
Replied when several months had passed.
"You're strength and quiet dignity
Have brought a wondrous change in me.
No more do I feel all alone,
And pray you must be flesh and bone.
Deep-set emotions you MUST feel
Within that outer coat of steel!"
"If I were able, I would say
I'm sorry I was made this way
But my design and programmation
Does not provide for that creation
Of feelings normal men may feel
That were not born of iron and steel.
I told you all this once before.
You have no right expecting more."
"Go, then!" cried she. "I will not live
Beside a fiend who cannot give!
Though I be battered by misuse,
Misguided trust and strong abuse,
At least the men I chose were real
And had the power to love and feel.
Of all the lovers I recall,
You are the cruelest one of all!"
The robot, indestructible,
Continues freely and at will.
Emotionless, apparently,
But, bearing closer scrutiny,
One can see a small tear streak
Down that cold, metallic cheek
As I reflect upon my life . . .
That lovely lady was my wife.
The robot, of course, was me.
Thursday, February 10
well..
day two of cny passed by just nicely. went over to cousin ronald's house. had lots of fun. but it was really shortlived. just like most good things in life.
life hasn't been easy. i'm moving along well. i think i would be alright. i shall just not think about anything at all.
jose given dressing down
jose mourinho is now under fire. what??!?!
apprantly the style-conscious Chelsea stars have given him a scolding for wearing the same old grey gucci trenchcoat everytime. he regards it as a lucky charm though.
his players want him to throw it away if the club wins the title this season.
alternative motivational tactics eh?
Wednesday, February 9
new year
it's new year. but then i don't really feel in the newyear-ish spirit. just can't seem to tell why. yes i am decked out in new stuff. even my underwear is new. but beneath the exterior is the same old me.
visiting is nice. i quite enjoy seeing those distant aunties and uncles even tho i don't even know how to some of address them.
unlike some lucky people i only have two cousins i can really talk to. well only one in fact. ONE. and i still haven't seen him this year. last time i seen ronald(o) was a few months back.
i am so good
i actually am starting to believe i'm alright
when i'm not
i am so good
i actually am starting to believe that everything would be the same
when it would not
i am so good
i actually can act like nothing has happened and smile
when i really cannot
i am so good
i actually think i am superman
when i am not
Tuesday, February 8
season's greetings
the lunar new year is almost upon us.
here's wishing all of you readers lots of saving deposits and demand deposits in the financial institutions you work with!
may you have lots of illiquid assets and collateral for security.
also, may all of you enjoy and reap plentiful amounts of liquid assets and benefit from having active balances anytime you need this lunar new year!
here's a toast to lot's of financial transfers in red packagings.
just a word of caution: make use of quantitative tools and qualitative tools. spend wisely, and only on things most necessary.
okay i admit. i just did a little mini econs revision on my own. =P
in short: have a prosperous lunar new year!
Monday, February 7
i will
i will
walk away from this wreckage
with tears in eyes and heart in mouth
i will
i will
never wanna think of it again
not contemplate any further step
i will
i will
turn back to look once more
to wave and say goodbye with a smile on my face
i will
i will
still be your friend and laugh with you
and everything else if you want me to
i will
i will
fold the blueprints of the scene
down in my chest pocket near my heart beating
i will
i will
walk away from this wreckage
tears in eyes and heart in mouth
i will
music!
okay ppl. i got music on my blog. actually still unsure about this. but well. promised yinghui some time back to put music.
this is probably my favourite song now. not great lyrics. not great singing too. but the song is done with so much feeling. it just pours. flows.
anyway, you can stop the music if you really want to. just press the stop button located on the right navigation bar.
Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind i'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here
friends
friends are like television. some are like SCV and always asknig for money. others are like the news, with sad tales to tell everyday. some are like that one station with the foreign languages; you don't understand a word of it but watch it anyway. and then there are the ones like the commercials, always changes, ever-so-annoying and only seem to be there when you are bored. but every once in a while you meet someone who's like a really good movie of the week or that one tv show you hardly ever get to see anymore because you're so busy. my point is: hold on to the friends you care about and since we don't have a remote control to mute someone or just change the channel, pick your friends carefully.
chelsea 0-0 man city
two points dropped. against the only side in the world this season to beat chelsea properly. (yes porto beat us too but Chelsea did not had any form of incentive to beat them whereas they had to beat us to qualify for the next round.)
man city keeper david james definitely played the game of his life. let's put it this way. if frank lampard was taking a volley from 7 yards out, one of the last keepers you would expect to save it would be david james.
well when i went to school everyone was rejoicing.
"yay chelsea drew!"
"yippee the gap is now 9 points!"
etc
i choose to look on the bright side. i find the fact that even a DRAW for Chelsea means so so much to everyone supporting other teams very heartening. everyone is waiting for Chelsea to fall. and they rejoice at any hint of weakness shown.
of course. i believe. it's just a draw. it's still 9 points. it's still Chelsea's title. no worries. =D
Sunday, February 6
and i don't wanna
i don't wanna do my econs homework. i don't wanna do any work. i don't wanna do anything.
i don't even wanna think of anything.
i am. freaking messed up.
i don't wanna know.
my saturday
the singapore government's orders for a five-day week was clearly defied by nanyang junior college and a few other select junior colleges today when they held their debate invitationals 2005. the implications of this is that i could not get to sleep in. i hardly slept.
the whole thing actually went on quite smoothly. but i gotta say i was disappointed. only by the results and definitely not the j1s' effort and spirit and everything else. i simply thought we were too harshly judged la.
really wish they would stay in nanyang. i know that this will surely be the greatest team ever.
anyway went for d class outing after tt. had fun playing pool with sunil and the rest. and table soccer too which was crazy la. mr teo treated us to seoul garden.
just quite nice la. talking and enjoying the food.
and i FINALLY bought a new backpack. i simply decided today morning i NEEDED one. happened to see this averagely-nice and averagely-priced adidas bag so i got it la. i was just unwilling to spent over hundred bucks on the timberland ones. tt's extortion la.
got a nice belt too. well sonia and sunil persuaded me to get it when i wasnt really convinced that i liked it. but now i think i do.
tiring tiring tiring. at least i can slp in for tml. and CNY draws ever so close.
and i want to say: the agony is killing me. i can freakin swear. it's rarely been this bad.
Friday, February 4
this line
the melody that is in me
the shade of a sad guitar beside the fireplace
distorted, wound up with broken strings
this melody i cannot play
what was might never be anymore
that which i hold dear, impossible
the many things that i am waiting for
when the fears come true the heart dismembers
let the picture that painted be bleak
the sky splattered with shades of grey in blue
the sun not seen yet the rain not expected
i'm hanging about without clue
the thunder is silent
and the clouds gather
the lightning deafens
but you don't seem to hear
the song that right now plays in me
screams at me when i'm quiet
unable to sing this song for you
trenched in this place and mired
clearly demarcated, vaguely drawn
this line that is in between
i can't see this boundary
risk it all or stay within
3 hours
can you imagine i'd be stuck in the freakin library (or anywhere else in the sch for that matter) for the next 2-3 hours. debate starts at 3 i think.
tml d yr1s will b having their comp. and we will b holding the invites. that means i gotta get up at an unearthly hour again much as it has been like in each weekday.
surfing ard in d library. apple website to be precise. argh. i'm so tempted but i have very low levels of transactional liquidity now. actually it's not low. but too low. and my parents won't give me loans.
apple website
can u believe that thing is actually a CPU. it costs $928. i would imagine it's not a full-fledged CPU but i'm not really sure. it seems that it is.
apple ibook
go look at the ibook. i'm so tempted. i shall make that my next computer.
anyway. i have spent a lot of time on this entry. half an hour. and i'm stil not done. can't really think straight now. and i still have lots of time to burn before i go for debate.
that's all for now people.
Thursday, February 3
bleeding tired
bleeding tired now, as the title of the post suggests.
got allocated to soccer for PE! thank god okay. that was possible coz i passed d screen test. so played soccer for pe. and had a damn long badminton session aft sch. and then played soccer again.
i have a bad injury to my right thigh. it's nth serious. but painful.
and i think i probably should stop.
pry it apart
away from where it's stuck.
for once there's fear
for once it seems
no. not this time. i can't.
blackburn 0-1 Chelsea
Chelsea win. again. 1-0. a goal in the fifth minute from robben. but wtf. blackburn were playing lyk as if it was a wrestling match. dirty tactics intended to wind up Chelsea. they succeeded to some extent but then it was irritating and definitely not a good advertisement for the beautiful game of football.
of course ultimately they did not score. they came close.
they had a penalty brilliantly saved by petr cech.
and now Cech has broken the great Peter Schmeichel's record of 694 minutes without conceding. he's now well into 700, almost 800 minutes. of course his own personal record is 924 minutes. so there. the best keeper in the world in many people's eyes, proving his worth.
robben got injured. cech got injured. duff got injured. terry too. 4 very very key players. that was how dirty they played.
robben even had to go off. seems lyk he ended up worse than the other 3. here's praying that his injury won't be that bad.
and Chelsea now leads the premiership by ELEVEN points! =D
Wednesday, February 2
now i
i can spend a whole entry on what many people write on their blogs. but i'm just gonna keep it short: sh*t i have no focus on my studies!!!
i wanna at least get back to the days whereby i pay attention in lessons, even if i dun revise and dun always do my homework. nowadays i doze off in class. i swear i never i want to.
now i'm reading into everything
i swear all this came without warning
i'm past caring about what some might be saying
thinking constantly about what you might be thinking
but there's no sign you hear the lightning
Tuesday, February 1
shopping!
went for last minute emergency chinese new yr stuff shopping. i had to skip debate to go. but then again i have to go during one weekday this week so i thought it was better to skip debate today then any other day which the j1s would be nearer to the invites.
very happy with what i bought! firstly. a pair of jeans from zara than cost me $89.90. cheaper than levis! and nicer too. i certainly prefer zara or topman jeans more than levis. no pic of it though.
then i got the adidas F10+!
yes. my shoe looks exactly like that. well that is the F50 but i really don't see any diff betw the F50 and the F10 (and the F30 for that matter) but just that there are no studs below as my shoes are technically indoor soccer boots.
mr arjen robben
last but certainly not least i finally finally got the Chelsea FC calender. i've wanted it for soooo long that i forgot all about it. thus the non-inclusion in my wishlist. but yeah. i shall add it there and strike it out now.
good day good day. can't wait for CNY. =D
