Monday, October 31
if 'twere to happen, this night would probably be as close as i come to being suicidal.
Sunday, October 30
6 days feels so long. that would be half of my run-in to the a lvls.
so long, my dear.
Saturday, October 29
(disclaimer: you can ignore this post if you know ure not "you")
to you,
my only star left when i look at the stars (R-R-Rs) above and see nothing, my reason for going to school at unearthly hours for no reason, my sleepyhead,
guilty as charged. i'm sorry. you know i'd never do it for no reason. and time will prove it'd not happen again. i promise.
xoxo
Monday, October 24
the air, stiller than usual. every step, heavier. every breath more laboured. the day, more difficult to get by. the unthinkable has come! and they make it out like chelsea were supposed to win every single game they play 8-0. but heck, might chelsea were held to a shocking draw by david moyes' everton, the manager going some way in emulating his biblical namesake as the Goliath of world football is put in its place.
so now everyone will pounce, like vultures to a dead bull, on the chelsea-bashing bandwagon, just because chelsea did not beat everton 11-0. truth is, they knew they couldn't match chelsea in football so they came to rough us up. truth is, too, that chelsea fell for it. maybe now chelsea will lose their next 12 games, mr. abramovich will get bored, lampard and gallas will go to ipswich town and wigan will win the premiership.
so the world will be dark. until the next chelsea win of course.
but thank god there's still you.
Thursday, October 20
unbelievable. i can't help but think that this is too good to be true. maybe it is. i don't want to be negative. but i know how it feels like to get your hopes up then get those silly and stupid thoughts shoved straight back into your face. but you've opened my eyes to what i've never seen before. a heart that has been kicked, bruised and betrayed and understandably skeptical suddenly sees light, with the smiles and sunshine. every step has its own music. and i never knew i could have a dream like that, until that dream that was you. you've made it all beautiful again.
if i can close my eyes and dream, will you come along with me?
Monday, October 17
'twas night, i gazed at beauty,
like stars, her eyes and face.
count to one! i knew,
at once that i was out of place.
could barely manage a little smile,
heck, i did the best i could.
but all of its friends pointed and laughed at me,
like i knew they would.
so i spent my time on end,
trying to find my voice.
i tried to smile, i tried
to wave and still it to my dismay
was moving away,
i knew not, nothing of choice.
staggered to my senses it seemed,
a poignant scene of sadness.
i opened my eyes
i knew not if it was real,
whichever, a sweet madness.
Sunday, October 16
'twas a great first half from bolton. not exactly bad performance from chelsea, but bolton were nippy, zippy and disciplined. and deservedly 1-0 up at half-time i must say. then the special one, with his midas touch, had other ideas. he went into the dressing rooms early, drew up all the plans, changed tactics and players, and the game was over before the hour was up. in chelsea's favour of course.
chelsea 5-1 bolton. and they say we're boring.
Saturday, October 15
i've got the call-up from hell.
Monday, October 10
..everyone in this world died and you're the only one left?
..you find that really, you're just stuck in square one, going nowhere, running in circles, chasing tails?
..all that you do would not be enough?
Saturday, October 8
'tis a saturday afternoon. i've got a stack of southeast asian history notes in front of me and a tub of ice cream. neither arouses much interest. maybe i could just spend my day sitting around and wondering about the things that i seemingly have no power to change; that constantly eludes. the ways and means, the time, the figurative slaps in the face. the smiles, the lies. jealousy and pangs of envy and hopelessness.
never mind.
Monday, October 3
the delirium hasn't faded much. and brings some much needed light.
life, pretty much the same. chasing after shadows of all the things that i might claim to be here for, but which i no longer know.
i really wanna turn around and leave. i'd like to believe i'm almost at the door.
Sunday, October 2
yawn. sick of seeing liverpool.