Friday, April 29
the end of the world?
is the world ending soon? apparantly so, according to this website.
"Doomsayers Say Benedict Fits World End Prophecy"
Thursday, April 28
imPULSEbought a new pair of jeans. rather impulsive i would say. hey it was only $15. and looks like one of the offerings from topman. hah.
and yes. got for myself the new adidas predator pulse silver today. still not too sure about it. but i quite like it i suppose. but still i hope my F50 can be saved by some cobbler. it's just a hole which is not really big.
Wednesday, April 27
machinations of fatefate does work in amazing ways. i know and we know that. behind our laughter over the ice cream is a serious message. we'll never be where we are without that kind of fate. we do have a strange past.
it's fair to say, without communism, Chelsea won't be where it is today. evil connection i know. long story. shall not expound on it now.
i hope i have done enough to make you stay. if i haven't let me keep going. i'm sure that if you see the part you play in all i am trying to be, you will realise how much you mean to me. i know with you, i have used up a huge chunk of my "good fate" allocated to me. i ain't gonna give up.
i love you.
Tuesday, April 26
the wait goes on
so arsenal win 1-0. and that means that the wait goes on, at least until saturday, as arsenal kept their challenge of the title alive mathematically.
suits me fine. i think it's much nicer to see Chelsea actually play to win it. bring on bolton!
Monday, April 25
champions-in-waitingtonight on epl is arsenal v spurs. normally it's redundant even mentioning it. but if tonight's match ends in a draw, or if spurs win, Chelsea will officially be crowned champions of the english premier league, after 50 years and 3 days since last being champions.
you can't blame me for sounding excited can you?
blue day
a good blue day today! let's check things out.
firstly, Chelsea captain john terry has been named PFA player of the year. little surprise really. also, terry, lampard, cech and robben were all named in the PFA dream team of the year. nicenice.
and it seems that Chelsea's new sponsor will be announced. it seems to be either samsung, siemens or nokia.
exciting times ahead. i couldn't help myself. sorry to all football-knowledge-impaired people.
and then there was you. my morning has become a lot brighter suddenly.
Sunday, April 24
san marino grand prix
michael schumacher started in 12th, but finished 2nd. 0.2 seconds separating him from fernando alonso (who wins again). it definitely sounds like a freakin exciting race.
and seriously no one does it like schumacher. it's extremely difficult to advance your position from whichever starting position you were in.
i missed it.
little matter.
i hope you know how much every moment we spend together means to me. more than anything. even watching Chelsea.
Saturday, April 23
there's waiting to be done
it's highly irritating that when (not if) Chelsea win the premiership title by the time the match against bolton is done, we will still have to wait till the last home match of the season to claim the trophy.
next up: liverpool.
i guess i will have to wait. it's been a long wait. and i guess when the end's almost in sight the wait gets longer.
i guess i will have to wait. when the end's not in sight it's a matter of perseverance and determination. i do believe that it will all shine through.
Thursday, April 21
have (not) a heart
handphone: stolen. that has been common knowledge.
today:-
earphones: spoilt. my new F50 shoes: holed.
a little gesture can go a long way to brightening some other person's lives.
have a heart, donate generously. every cent counts.
had my NS medical today. got myself into PES A. no i'm not showing off. i don't want to be in pes A. whatever for? yikes. basically in pes A you've gotta run more and work harder and blabla coz they think ure darn fit and good and healthy. argh.
and the best thing is they didn't even finish my medical today. which means i gotta go back tml. yucks.
basically, not the best of days.
my penchant for understatement is sometimes amusing.
Tuesday, April 19
strange ballad
those weary eyes,
a laboured smile;
i've let the seconds pass me by.
a brush of the shoulders,
the times we were closer;
leave my senses behind.
if they would give the gift of sight,
just so the blind can see; they would
see hope, rising above all else.
a long and winding road awaits,
never easy; but we would do great i believe,
with good company.
and i'll pray,
that you would flash a smile and say; that
you would take this walk with me.
i would be done.
Monday, April 18
crap
i've been neglecting my blog for some time. i'm back.
the dark clouds gather, and lights begin to flicker. i am begin to feel more and see less. something bad has got to happen, is it not? the curse of the whatever-you-wanna-call-it seems like it's so gonna strike anytime.
i bother too much when almost no one else cares. i tell myself to take it easy. i'm getting so good at this that i am almost close to believing that i would be okay no matter what happens. if something good comes from it, great. if nothing good comes from it, what's new mann? aye, ain't it always better to expect nothing, then get something?
belie my beliefs. belie. i really do think that such beliefs should have no place in anyone's belief systems. least of all mine, especially now.
the flame that which burns my soul
it's all crap. all crap.
Friday, April 15
notice
to people who know me: pls gimme your numbers, either thru sms or msn or leaving a tag. i lost my phone and obviously the thief didn't leave the contacts behind. thanks so much.
ain't in any mood to blog at length now. my mind's a blank. lost for words. it's been a physically and, to a greater extent, mentally and emotionally tiring day.
life is transcient, unpredictable. anything can happen to anyone at anytime. for all the little misgivings in my life, i am still thankful for all that i have.
Thursday, April 14
lost
my phone got stolen. yes my new nokia 6630. word has it that mine is not an isolated case in the school.
in more economic terms, that 6630 is my most valuable asset. it's cruel to have it taken from me like that. i don't really have money for a spanking new phone. i'll have to make do with an average phone. or wait it out.
of course, my loss isn't at all significant as compared to a good friend of mine's. aarthi, if ure reading this, hope ure coping well and my thoughts are with you.
Wednesday, April 13
Chelsea lose
that is about right. i seriously don't recall any other time when i was truly happy when Chelsea lost. of course if Chelsea had lost by 2 goals or more then it would have been different.
[pizarro 65', guerrero 91', scholl 95'] bayern munich 3-2 Chelsea [lampard 30', drogba 80']
Chelsea go through to the semi-finals of the champions league, winning 6-5 on aggregate, after winning the first match 4-2. yippee.
Monday, April 11
don't wake me
"... and norwich city play the game of their lives as they secure a shock 2-0 win over manchester united! it must be said though, that it has come too little too late for the poor canaries. for no matter how hard they chase, it must seem like a lost cause now... "
if i must wake up,
let me be numb.
for i find no solace in emotion,
to pain i succumb.
i'll raise my hands up,
and i will cry.
i'll scream, i relinquish,
and walk away i'll try.
tides that i tried to swim against,
waters that went too high.
a valiant fight, none else,
i'll look to the skies and sigh.
to smell blood is to feel alive,
how to be dead? i hide and i run.
i find no solace in emotion,
to pain i succumb.
i'd rather be with no one else. but you.
when this battle draws to a close i would stop fighting anymore. i would give up feeling. and i would give up loving. to cease to live, and start to exist.<
Sunday, April 10
story for you
i have a story to tell
it's a story for two
Saturday, April 9
...
first of all, don't use internet explorer anymore. it somehow manages to screw my blog up into one whole huge mess and it just looks fugly. it isn't like that when u use netscape or firefox.
secondly, class chalet was fun. mainly d 5 of us but fizah went back early. had a lil drink. played in the rain. poured out my sorrows and troubles. wrote a lil song in d sand. wishing that the rain would, wash away, along with the sand, all sendiments of feeling.
it's getting slightly more ominous. it's made me realise that i am really feeling a lot. i had been trying to tell myself that i was just unduly worried.
something bad MUST happen. isn't that how things are supposed to be?
the events that transpired. the look of hope in my eyes as i glanced at my phone. the thought of what things would be like tonight. nay. not a lot of positive feeling.
i shall not waver. i have a long story to tell. and i want you to know.
Thursday, April 7
our movie
i hope it will be fine. i hope you'd see what i see, that what we have is truly extraordinary.
it's definitely most unreal, if you think about the time we first met all the way to now. that kind of chain reaction belongs strictly to the movies, but somehow we have became the leads in this amazing scene. after this entire while of ups and downs, and the little side-stories, it appears that we have arrived at the climax.
happy ending? or no?
i am a lil more careful. more wary. it seems perfect this time, then at times this nagging doubt creeps in and slowly consumes me.
i rationalise with myself that i am thinking of too much. then i cannot reconcile this rational conclusion with those thoughts that hit right at the heart of my insecurities.
i hope you'd not judge me on how i seem to be based on the side-stories in our movie. i am sure that now i am fully prepared to give my all. i hope you'd take a shot at a happy ending. i hope we would get there together.
and crucially, i hope you'd read this, and that you actually know, that this is for you.
big day
big big day tml.
well first of all there's d sec sch debates. realistically speaking we all know we go into this as big underdogs. but that may just be good. no pressure.
i'd be constantly hoping for a surprise though. a surprising result would take us where the school has never gone before. maybe then they might consider paying us.
then there's gonna b the class chalet thingy. it may just be the last chance for our class to really bond. hasn't been any real bonding so far during the past one year and three months.
Tuesday, April 5
feels like
you certainly made it feel like it was all worthwhile. that's all i needed to feel.
it feels like this is gonna be the one last time i'll ever be feeling like the way i am feeling now.
of course it always feels like this. i hardly need reminding.
what it doesn't feel like: normal. little nerves. no worries. it all just feels natural. easy. what can be better?
'tis probably the closest i've got to heaven.
let me be right. just for once.
Monday, April 4
this place is a prison
the heavy iron
shackles break,
and shady imaginary
barriers fade.
as fate turns
sinner into saint,
the innocent guilty
follows a light so faint.
a hope he sees
but doesn't show,
he believes in the sign
that he may yet know.
this novel written
like a pompous tale,
feels wholly like fiction
'cept 'tis for real.
Sunday, April 3
not good enough
there are times when logic just is not good enough. take the easy way out, and attribute such phenomena to the "people" above.
thinking back, it seems that the powers that be have put in a hell of an effort in making things how they are now.
it just seems that i have used up the whole share of my luck.
jose mourinho crisis
here's how it goes. jose mourinho, beloved by Chelsea fans everywhere, is considering quitting.
he feels that Chelsea's refusal to appeal over uefa's verdict and punishment of a fine and a 2-match ban is an indication of the board not being behind him. and he feels he's not getting enough support.
it's all the more worrying, 'coz having read his biography i know he can and will walk if he feels he's not being given enough support, like in his time at benfica.
of course, all this first appeared in the portugese press on 1st april, which means it may just be an april fools' joke. and also Chelsea's director of communications has also come out to say that it is merely a hoax.
somehow the news refuses to die. and the thought that my beloved idol/special one may just walk off like that tears me inside. who the hell in this world can we get to replace him? it's not even something roman abramovich's billions can buy: another coach who's just as good.
i just hope that mourinho would come out and tell us all supporters that it's only an april fools day joke. well he is now in some kind of a media boycott. so i wonder and i wait. :S
Saturday, April 2
cvss debate
oh yeah did i mention this? cvss debate? we lost our final round. but still we got into d quarterfinals of the comp.
for the second time in three years too, overall not a bad record.
i was just happy that i had a part to play in this, even if it wasn't as big a part as i hoped for. really happy for the rest of them too.
all that remains
all that remains now, nothing but the scars that are left from that day. of minutes that unwillingly passed away, of seconds that were lost whilst being uncertain.
in more concrete terms, i'm walking away. 'cause i see and i know now what means most to me.
