Friday, December 30
hmm.it is weird how something that's 70% water can be so complicated.
Wednesday, December 28
rebel with a causewhen i knew, i was never close to being overwhelmed. inevitable only perhaps, what right did i have to expect it to be any different anyway?
none at all.
hope it was merry christmas to you and you and you. it was for me too. see, i can always pretend that i'm happy. logic says that i still would not be, but on the contrary if i don't show it, i won't think it. then i won't feel it.
and it works. always has. and always will need it to be.
so i'm a happy young man of eighteen. my heartbeat is stable. i'm in fine fettle despite all the hurt.
everytime i emerge, i am wiser, and i am more sceptical. more cynical. more adept at hiding my feelings so deep beneath they disappear. occasionally they resurface, but this happy man that i am will not be kept down for too long.
i am stronger.
home is where the hurt belongs.
and when i still belong to this world the hurt will always belong, and never too long away. i won't cry. i'll just sit down and pretend it's all fine. i won't look to the world anymore. people are no good anyway. anything i need, i'll look and i'll find within myself. anything more from anyone else, a welcome luxury i shall only occasionally indulge myself in.
if you all did not know i'd be going away to the army soon. a million miles away from everything else. all i have would be myself. spiritually, psychologically, emotionally, i know i will get through anything they throw at me. physically, i would only hope my resolve will hold me out and get me through everything, everything they do to try and break me.
basically, it all comes back to how the world is of no comfort. it's everyone else against me. i'm a rebel with a cause. and when i have people on my side, i'll be thankful but i'll bear no expectation. i draw comfort from myself, i find solace and love for myself in myself. when all else is gone, i have the most precious thing: myself. it's the best thing that anyone can give me for christmas.
Sunday, December 25
merry xmas to me
my xmas gifts to myself.
a book which i'm sure will be great.
and a new lousy phone which has a lousy screen, no camera, no mp3, poor smsing system and no external screen. perfect for accentuating what will be a lousy lifestyle in the army.
hohoho.
hohoho
how many times has the phrase "a beautiful/pretty face" appeared here?
i was thinking of a lot. the train ride home. the walk in the rain. basically it boils down to the question of whether there is a pattern or force that governs the dynamics of human relations and sexual attraction (it has nothing to do what the "face" really).
never one to believe in equations and formulae, maybe i'm missing something somewhere.
i am NOT depressed. (i know some concerned people reading my blog think i am) also, i know i have been given a good lot and i wouldn't wanna be anyone else but myself.
but there probably is something i do not yet (if ever) know enough about.
how easy right? imagine a formula for guaranteed happiness in friendship, family life and love life.
oh no santa i wasn't hinting anything at all, really. asking you for such a thing would be too much to ask wouldn't it.
and yeah to you humans, merry xmas.
Saturday, December 24
choose your liverpool first eleven!
classic. lol.
Wednesday, December 21
crystal ball..
as we approach the midway point of the english premier league season, allow me to look into my crystal ball. ladies and gentlemen, my predictions for the remainder of the season!
1. chelsea will win the league. (duh!)
2. manyoo and liverpool will fight for 2nd.
3. arsenal will improve, seeing sunderland closing in on them.
4. tottenham will nearly sign ronaldinho, ballack, kaka, ronaldo and pele.
5. wigan will constantly be called "the surprise package"
6. peter crouch will not be top scorer.
7. blackburn will not top the fair play table.
8. graeme souness will constantly be "two losses away from the sack"
9. steve bruce will get the sack.
10. portsmouth or bolton are possible destinations for marcel desailly.
11. jose mourinho won't get a xmas card from the FA.
12. liverpool will not get "most entertaining team" award.
13. we will never get to see "the robbie fowler of old".
14. sunderland will not get 40 points.
15. michael essien will be invited to join professional boxing, after how he knocked out lauren's teeth by hitting his chest.
rah.
it's getting difficult to sleep at night, with lots of thoughts dominating my head. thoughts about almost anything.
doesn't help when there's no particular inclination to get out of bed before 2 everyday.
Tuesday, December 20
beautiful.
every once in a while, you get left breathless at the end of a great book, a brilliant movie. it's took me some time, but i finally watched "a beautiful mind". wow.
Sunday, December 18
yo people!
i have a very exciting project in the works. and no i'm not gonna tell you what it is. it sure is BIG tho. right, i just had to let it out here.
it's just a bleeding pity i can't work on it full-time now, given the fact that ns (freaking irritating) is looming. now i wonder if i can sue the army for all the potential profits i would have lost if the idea is executed by someone else who's thought of it when i'm in ns. ohwell i'm bound to lose anyway 'cause the govt do have some great lawyers.
on a less spiteful note, i do hope that the powers out there and up there see me through this once, given that i haven't been an evil person, i've always tried to be nice whenever i can, i harbour few negative plots and seldom get angry, i haven't talked back to my parents for very long and i eat my greens. OH SANTA!
Saturday, December 17
save me
..from bleeding to death at home from boredom. yeah i know i have stuff to read, and things to do but hell, it's been three days since i last went out. what was i doing at home on friday night? :S
19 days left.
quoteworthy
"the school system here (in singapore) sucked. if you asked a question that was not part of what the teacher put on the board, she would say 'It's not in the syllabus, you don't need to know.' How stupid is that?"
"creativity doesn't grow on trees. how are you going to create an ecosystem of publishers and authors when everything seems to be done by government edict?"
"singapore is basically a country that likes to think of itself as a first world country. but it's not. it's really a third world country that pretends to be a first world country."
- gerrie lim, acclaimed singaporean author and culture critic,
who has surprisingly managed to escape persecution from the ISD.
Friday, December 16
the first two warm balls drawn from UEFA's pot:
Chelsea F.C. (Eng) vs F.C. Barcelona (Esp)
great.
Thursday, December 15
what would you do?
a good few days without a post! hmm.
pride and prejudice! finally. well, as fate would have had it, 2nd row seats again. it was better than nothing perhaps, third time lucky really after trying for 3 times but could get no seats. the movie itself was great but what an unfortunately limited release, resulting in overcrowded cinemas and leaving some poor souls with neckaches.
but i'd say the movie was worth every bit of the ache. (anyway i didn't really feel the ache until the show ended, tells you how good the movie was.) rather abbreviated, but a pretty good adaptation considering they had to squeeze the rather long novel into 2 hours. just felt that the ending, which was quite "like foreplay" in the words of the mistress, was a bit of an anti-climax, spoiling the very delicate and controlled passions of and between elizabeth and darcy throughout the final parts of the movie.
and it really was lotsa laughs the whole night. no, not the movie of course. but with dear mistress.
so..
if your doctor tells you you've got three weeks to live, what would you do? now that i've only got three weeks..
sucks just thinking of it yeah. my freedom, my life, my hair. all going after these three weeks past.
what would you say to someone whom you have no courage to love?
ohwell.
Sunday, December 11
i'm free
there are times, when I just know not what to write here, 'cause there is just too much to say. either that or there just is nothing. most of the time it's a combination of both.
it was a hell load of fun this time. lots of drinks, a chelsea win and a beautiful face.
most of all, there came one moment, in all the dancing, where i knew for sure i am finally going to be free from the shackles of everything that used to hold me down. at least i think i do. i must no longer be in torment. i am no longer afraid.
Saturday, December 10
hmm.
look here! "Chelsea and Chelsea supporters top Fair Play League"
latest report from FIFA:
"It has come to our attention that certain clubs are deliberately undermining other clubs' images by acting fairly and respectably both on and off the field. This must be stopped immediately as it leads to a diminshment of the necessary hysteria that is created if any of this clubs' players or directors commits the act henceforth known as the 'foul', the 'tap-up' or the 'buyingtheleague'.
As guardians of all things fair and just, the governing bodies of the game shall not tolerate such acts of gross fairness and good behaviour. The committee will deliver our verdict on what shape the punishment for the offenders will take at a later date."
Friday, December 9
essiengate
so UEFA is going to charge essien for the tackle which the ref didn't see. well, obviously there is no one single other player who has ever got away with a bad tackle, otherwise the paragon of objectivity and justice we call UEFA would surely conduct an investigation like this too.
shevchenko's headbutt last season against an inter player also went unnoticed! ohwell, i figure that UEFA has let it gone unpunished because it was just a teeny minor offence, clearly unintentional and accidental, and which would not have posed any risk of injury or pain, unlike essien's tackle.
Thursday, December 8
hey!
attention people! if anyone of you out there has a temporary job for me let me know! by 'temporary' i mean no longer than 2-3 days. yep.
in european football news, chelsea will face one of the following six teams in the next round of the champions league: villareal, barcelona, juventus, milan, inter and lyon. hmm.
and it was lights out for manyoo, without even a uefa cup spot. my condolences.
Tuesday, December 6
prom!
shannon! prom queen! hahaha we all love you. +)
hyatt was a nice place. dinner was probably better than average, but nothing life-changing or earth-shatteringly nice. amidst all the glitz it was hard not to notice some people who'd make me go "eh i've never seen him/her around before". the emcee was pretty good, our table position was not (right at the back of the ballroom) and it was just taking photos and socialising.
for my money it was probably not worth it. discounting the fact that it was the hyatt, the food + the place = $80 just doesn't really add up. but give me another chance and i would go for it again. guess it's just one of those things.
so this marks the end of everything to do with jc life, results day aside. and a night of wild abandon at cocco latte to top things off. the deejay wasn't really good but the company was. think i rarely had more fun and more dance at a club. then after 3 it was just walking aimlessly around town till the first train came.
pretty good day(s) it has been. a good time/way to get away from everything. how much i needed this i guess. beautiful night with beautiful people. memories which would be "most sweet to my remembrance even when age / Had dimm'd my eyes to blindness"
i'm just waiting for my pics to come in now. -hinthint
Friday, December 2
rolling in the grave
"i'll hump to your pleasure"
- lit student from nyjc, attempting to quote textual evidence from shakespeare's measure for measure. name withheld to protect identity.
Thursday, December 1
the aftermath
nothing happened today. just that i got a new hairdo which till now i'm still quite uncertain of.
this is how i'd spend my last days, before i die (figuratively of course): i'll do all the reading i have wanted to do. i'll go out as often as i can. i'll watch go pride and prejudice, chicken little and even all the other half-decent movies out there. i'll enjoy prom. i'll watch footy on tv. i'll probably go clubbing. i might even think of her at times. but i will not be broken.
ever the eternal optimist, i choose to believe that someday fate will get tired trying to bring me down. and i would raise my arms in victory, as i punch the air in triumph with a jubilant cry.
or maybe my pessimist side would not even see it.
and i hope lampard wins the fifa world player of the year award!
