Wednesday, December 13
i wanna be less caring of what others feel. be less conscious, less rational. be able to get drunk, instead of never letting my mind wander too far.
to lose it and let fly at someone, instead of fearing the regret afterwards. to do something wrong, and worry about being punished later instead of feeling crippled. to dance and kiss and fuck like i've never done before, instead of being afraid to hurt someone.
and to run away, and not think of how important it is to always stay in control.
the slightly more original
with every moment i had nothing to say, i felt i had to say something. but everything i say seems to be the wrong thing to say. why did it get so bad at all?
it's dawned on me that, much as the "as if i had never known before" feeling exists, that anything in life can be so transient. it certainly meant more to me than that. all those times spent, the times that ego-centric me has been there taking all that abuse. i had thought, foolishly or not, that a kind word of thanks would do, if nothing else.
the fight's been fought, and i don't bear to look at the shambles that remain. it could just be less painful to trudge along.
and as the wind of change blows, a gentle music holds its crowd in raptures. it is, however, but a cruel melody that is a curt reminder of everything there was, and everything that could have been.
and it was an instrument which carries with its weight a uniquely silly story, crafted with love from a stranger, and passed upon to someone who now seems even further away, more detached. it now sits in a heap, with a black shroud, away from its intended owner, and further away still from the tenderness that was to have been.
the unoriginal
I don't think I have it in me anymore to simply keep giving. Right now, I want to take. I don't want to have to consider another's feelings. I don't care if I hurt or wound someone.
How about this: I. simply. don't. care. anymore.
thanks cori!