Saturday, May 27
i have with me momentos of three days outfield: lots of sandfly bite marks and a soul more tired, more impatient. at the same time just more resigned, ruefully. i'm still waiting, but more in hope than in expectation.
another 5 weeks out there. how far to insanity?
and i've become more sure, about how at times i'm so far away from the person i want to be. i swear it's the place, and the people. some of them anyway.
i've never really despised anyone, mainly 'cause it's just not in my nature to be this way, but i've come to terms with the fact that i really am surrounded by some really low people. worst of all i just find myself becoming like them at times: selfish, inconsiderate, childish, self-centered, or at times just downright stupid. i've had to remind myself at times, not to become the very kind of person look upon with such disdain. but if people cared only for themselves why do i bother even spending energy thinking about them? the balance has yet to be struck. and i just don't wanna be bothering about this for too much longer. i hope.
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just because i've not had the best progress, doesn't mean i'd give up. it was another bad day in the office, so i closed my positions and went to town, just to get away from everything. i realised the mistakes i made. so i paid for another lesson. i will not give up.
i want to be successful and wealthy. i must not think that i do not deserve it.
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Chelsea update!
Chelsea have signed germany and bayern munich international captain michael ballack. for FREE. ballack has 30 goals in 63 games for germany, and 44 goals in 103 games for bayern. that translates to a goal in about two games, comparable to our own midfield extraordinaire frank lampard. now.. (imagines two frank lampards doing damage)
up next: andriy shevchenko, who's almost certainly heading for Chelsea. top scorer for 3-4 consecutive seasons for ac milan, and highest ever goalscorer in the champions league. hmm.
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i've chosen SMU. yes.
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now for some shoutouts, whether you've tagged or not..
claire: hey nice to see you here. you just secretly love my blog right.. hahaha.
emiko: i've heard about the way the match panned out. if you guys can make the next one on a saturday okay? then i can go watch. heh.
tab: hmm no lah it's really okay. malaysia's like nothing special, what can you get for me? a "my friend went to malaysia and got me this tee" thing? lol. so yeah it's okay really. and i reply in chronological order you see..
mistress: i wished we spent more time under the stars. what's the rush right? we might have found the orion belt then. sometimes i get too caught up in pursuit of the material things in life, all the investments and the capital gains or being saddened by losses, that i don't really know how to respond to things like looking at a clear starry sky anymore. that really is shameful. i kinda knew intuitively it'd mean a lot to you. so sorry. but then again, perhaps it was better that way, just looking up for a while and pretending they're all stars before we slowly figure out which were the ones which are actually satellites in disguise. :)