Sunday, March 5
just keep singingwhen i looked at the results slip i stoned a little bit. it wasn't bad, just slightly disappointing. then i looked around, and saw the same people i've been through two years with, some whom i miss more than others. some did really well. some did okay and some not that well. i found it really difficult to find a comforting word, or a congratulatory one. i was at sea, so rough, so unsure. and then when i played soccer in my long sleeves my shooting was disgusting at times.
it's hard to march 24km. harder with blisters on your feet. harder still with abrasions in your ass crack and underneath your balls. and even harder still when your platoon sergeant is always out to demoralise you.
and with the 24-click signals the end of bmt. just as we're settling in, everything becomes so shady and uncertain again. where do i go from here? i know definitely not to command school. i'm not sure if i'd regret this, especially if i see my own friends becoming lieutenants and sergeants in future. it's just an ego thing maybe. but maybe not.
so often in my life i've at least tried to give my best. i know these past 9 weeks i haven't been doing so. i hate this life and i just can't raise myself enough to do it consistently. another regrettable two years ahead i fear.
so there's no one to die for, and nothing to live for.
why do things look so bleak?
i'd look forward to bookouts.
and i'll keep singing.
