Tuesday, September 27
i got my results and so..always, this compulsive urge to want to believe that i have so very much to do, and yet there's this, in comparison, miniscule amount of time. i look at my results and i could almost cry. or give up. i did try. then i turn and see most people not being much better off, what do i do then. i know i probably am making a proverbial mountain out of a _______ (insert cliche) but what if i am really right? do my best, then hit and hope. i guess that's all i could condition myself to believe in.
Monday, September 26
near where the black rose bloomsnear where the black rose blooms,
alarm bells sound,
like heartbeats.
cacophony of noise and the thumping of drums.
slain beasts strewn across magnificent boulevards,
on the rot, and vengeful relations remain, trampling.
on escort he,
much of the scenes did see.
in relative peace and calm, was he,
blind to the sights of visions of death,
snuffed, not sniffing the air of rampage.
to a monastery, the party led,
a monument of silence and solace.
young maidens in spirits gay,
running across, making game. out rushed
an abbot, as how one would look, and with him came
cacophony of noise and thumping of canes.
much tears on the ground it paves,
the lovely taste of those not slain.
come forth, indignant tears of virgins we'd taste,
come, come, for the gang would have to make haste.
relentless sun, red, punishing.
a calm face of a little angel,
an indiscriminating smile, from young life,
drops of mercy gush from the day sky.
barren fields of desolute produce,
in isolation, near where the black rose blooms.
Saturday, September 24
to the inexistentdad's driving us up to malaysia tomorrow. why am i not so excited at all? aside from some shopping and spending lots of time with my ipod i can't really see much positivity.
to you: thanks for everything. for always being here. my shopping partner, my crapping buddy, my counsellor, my confidante. the one i could tell everything to. the one who would tell me everything. the one in front of whom i would never have to put up any pretense, no barriers and no distances between us. my friend, my pillow-fight buddy, my star-gazing mate. the times we just laid under the starless skies, the times we would debate over stupid things and laugh. breakfast in bed. lunch in bed too. supper and dessert all in bed too. how we would spend the day reading something stupid at the library. or the night, with the candles and the music and the love that we'd make. or just drinking and screaming by the rocks and the sea. singing in the rain. running around like two little kids. in short, my everything. i just stop short of saying, "____"-slapslap.
still waiting, perhaps.
wait, maybe not.
keep running, mate.
hmm.
Wednesday, September 21
yeah rightnorth korea has agreed to dismantle its nuclear weapons and stop all nuclear arms activities!
faster than you can say
yeah right, they now demand that USA build them a light-water reactor (whatever that is) first before they'd disarm.
hmm
Tuesday, September 20
draw a line acrossfirst time i wrote 3 sea history essays, not including sourced based! kudos to me.
it's close to ending. the prelims. it's come and gone so fast. it's hard to go enjoy knowing that the end of the prelims heralds the spectre of getting back the results and worse still, the As.
bahh.
actually, you know what? i still do.
Monday, September 19
this made my dayTHIS made my day. =P
Friday, September 16
hey youhappy birthday julia, if you find my blog. =D
Thursday, September 15
can i stay for a while?i have a paper tomorrow morning and i cannot sleep. blame it on my waking at 3.
i need to get a grip on reality.
and a new phone perhaps will do me just nice. make it a samsung too.
what a beautiful smile, it's been many hours. regrets.
Tuesday, September 13
seek meall that he desires,
his imagination would yield.
he sees, but he knows it would be out of reach,
and all he could do is feel.
it can be tiring, mired in ponderous thought on the whys and whats. maybe it's simple. nonetheless, the simplest answers, or those that are most correct, may not always be music to some very beleaguered ears. i am no fit judge of what is right anyway. for i know not. and i know naught.
Sunday, September 11
nice hatnice hat, thanks guys! hah.
after a week of doing anything BUT studying, i hope it's time to settle down again. that's not to say i didn't try. i was approaching burnout before the hols. and it just snapped when i got to coleridge.
just so many things. sometimes it really can get tiring trying to please everyone. like, really. just hope you'll stay fine.
Friday, September 9
keane - bedshaped
another lyrics post. this time of one of my favourite songs ever. as a wave of futility and disillusionment about most everything sweeps by..
Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of our old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away
You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
Two legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know
What do I know?
I know
I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away
You follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
Two legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know
What do I know?
I know
Oh and up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know
What do I know?
I know
Thursday, September 8
Thursday, 8 Sept 2005indeed, i have stopped romanticising about birthdays since i was like 16? maybe earlier. doesn't feel particularly special. good to know that i'm now legal to do so many things. still a semi-legal citizen nonetheless.
Wednesday, September 7
breakovernight at the airport! it was fun, certainly when fatigue wasn't setting in. the laughs and all. the food. the telling of stories and the gossiping. but it felt so wrong to be attempting to do work there. beautiful place.
i've got to pick myself up. somewhere. the whole dEpRessEd_bOiz_87 thing, as meifeng likes to put it, isn't new. neither has it just begun. nor has it ever affected me to the extent that i can't study or am distracted from whatever i want to do.
so therein the problem lies, in the studying itself. i'm getting tired out. really. a break would do me a world of good i hope, no matter how close i am to my prelims. so i'm taking one now.
break.
i won't be surprised if people just forgot.
Tuesday, September 6
ohwell.all that i have done. the way i've tried. the effort. i hope it'd be enough.
i was referring to my prelims.
Sunday, September 4
lifehouse - blindanother lyrics post. hmm.I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more
Than you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more
Than you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go
After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more
Than you will ever know
And part of my died
When I let you go
That I loved you more
Than you will ever know
And part of my died
When I let you go
Saturday, September 3
hmm.actually i have to say i am very proud of myself for how i never seem (the word is 'seem') to lose my head, particularly in anger or frustration. i'd feel engulfed and very affected. but most of the time i would always be mindful of what i say.
Friday, September 2
untitledherbie was funny. if you're one who'd go "wtf how can that possibly happen it's just stupid lah" then you should probably stay clear of the movie. but i thought i liked it. some touching moments too.
i've completed my revision. no i haven't. southeast asian nationalism. coleridge. yikes.
certain recreational drugs out there makes you think you have so much more energy than you think, that you keep going and going and getting higher and higher until you just collapse and perhaps even die.
i think coffee has the same effect on me. shucks.
ironically, probably the most exciting nights of my life are coming up when i'm this close to the prelims.
oh yes. and happy birthday to all the sept peeps out there, which includes yours sincerely of course, beginning tomorrow with sherlene!
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
