Wednesday, November 30
i guess it's goodbyeyou could never wish for things to be the same again. it would never be.
i'd be lying if i said it would not sadden me at all. but i now that i know things, i could not bear to turn back again. maybe it's best for things to be this way, cold and silent. it cannot be true that i dearly want to believe what i heard. it hurts just to look at you that way. that is why they say innocence is bliss, for it burns my insides to look at things with my eyes more knowledged, thereby less blissed.
i hope you're happy. i know you'll be. when you think you want someone to be there, just knock. there may be someone who'd still love you as much as before. or not.
Tuesday, November 29
it still rainspart of me wished i would never return. but i did.
i am weary. tired of feeling enstranged and so isolated from the thing i love most. maybe you do need to be free.
the rain is a passing emotion. or so it should be.
Sunday, November 27
you've got news(room)yes it was a dingy dancefloor. but there was good music, good football too (in a club!).
my stomach really hurt from all the laughing, and my voice almost gone.
if i'm no longer sure anymore, i shall not think. then i would be as happy as i look. but out of sight, not out of mind. leave me alone and those thoughts just eat me from inside.
alright i'm really off this time.
Saturday, November 26
leaving on a (not exactly) jetplane
leaving immediately when i get back tmr morning, and thus this would be my last blog entry for a few days. and there are so many things i don't wanna be leaving behind.
i'm losing strength, which only you can give me. it has been a long long time.
i just hope you'd think of me.
Friday, November 25
anger managementi was thinking that anger could no longer be an emotion i would feel. then i was proven wrong today. i know wasn't wrong to be angry, but still i find it an emotion negative in the extreme.
the line between competitiveness and unsporting behaviour MUST exist. it may be a bit hard in a real game. but a kickaround at a neighbourhood court with no other purpose other than for fun?
my knees are swollen. i can't walk without discomfort. so much for my holiday 'break'.
-----
i don't have a pic, so i'm gonna do my best to depict this thing i saw today. basically, it was just a van, supposedly from a bread merchant. it calls itself "roti-kia", which does not in anyway remind us of any other bread company. and check out it's slogan, "any fresher, it would just be dough". hmm.
Wednesday, November 23
plastic rain it was cold but it was dry and
all i need to see,
was for the sky to rain on me
and drown my soul, to cease.
but it was dry and all i could
was to look upwards and cry;
but dry it was and still it was
to do something i'd try.
i opened my eyes, to try to take
in every sight and sound.
the air was still, the skies were fake
i knew i'd lost all ground.
my heart called for rain, but 'twas clear,
i had to find a way.
sprinklers, showers for contrived salvation,
pretending it's nothing close to aggravation and
i kept those tears at bay;
even if they could be the only thing that's real in
a place otherwise inane,
trying to find sense in you in a world
that seemed otherwise insane.
the rain threshed down upon
my flesh, which cared not if it was unreal.
as i clamoured for penance i found
what was still and surreal.
the rainbeats came in a rhythm that
had nothing varied or new.
mechanical manifestations of a force of nature,
which now served like
a masturbatory measure.
to sit and wait and wish and wait it
wrings my soul alive.
as my mortal self bleeds, i want you to know,
for you i'd bleed and die.
but all i ask of you would be to bring
the rain back here;
'cause you alone and nothing else,
could make me to be real.
untitled
i sit up at night and wonder if those words had any meaning.
now, on to minor matters, my As are over!
Monday, November 21
essential weapons of war
- coffee
- essence of chicken
- ability and willingness to find and take shortcuts.
- summarised, handwritten notes you can read (legible) over and over again.
- good sleep
- jacket, for the cold confines of the exam hall.
- getting to school early. running in won't help your nerves.
- good pens WITH ink
- good bladder control
- ability to block out of thoughts of what ure gonna do after the exams
- planning first before writing (or risk going "oh fcuk" after writing 3 pages)
- something to burn at the end of it all. (the entry proof comes to mind)
- luck (severe lack thereof may negate all other things above)
Saturday, November 19
hmm
"ricardo carvalho? i'd rather have wes brown."
-unnamed man utd fan.
Wednesday, November 16
tears in heaven
when the econs paper 2 was collected it started to rain heavily.
Sunday, November 13
grab this!
up for grabs: my painstakingly handwritten lit notes. all 6 of them. to be given away to six lucky and nice juniors.
applications open now. results will be announced on 22nd nov. winners will not be notified by post.
the econs notes are taken tho. hands up if you're the one. :D
Thursday, November 10
a lil more
6 years in primary school. 24 exams. 88 papers.
4 years in secondary school. 9 exams. 42 papers.
2 years in jc. 5 exams and chinese AO so far. 23 papers.
it's just 4 papers more. that's just over 2.5% of my education. now if i can find my entry proof..
Wednesday, November 9
walk away
chelsea lost to manyoo. surprisingly few manyoo fans getting in my face.
this place is collecting spider-webs because it was impossible to put much of what was and still is coursing through me into words.
sometimes you make me so happy. and you don't even have to try.
but in one moment you really did crush and destroy me too.
"if you want a man that is here to stay,
swearing he's forever true,
i'd never walk away,
i'd never give up on you."
..till you want me to. till then..
Sunday, November 6
to a special person:
..i've seen your blog. i really am sorry if i can't be there for you in the way you might expect me to. you know you're special to me, and i have always been and will always be there for you whether you believe it or not. now if you would smile again, we can always go shopping someday. please don't give up on yourself, and don't give up on me.
=)
sighs.
heartache. excitement. relief. indifference. anxiety and fear. i grit my teeth. i kinda wonder why i'm feeling the way i do. i close my eyes and see it all imploding. and i open my eyes, broken, a recurring nightmare. i had a weird dream, where i slayed a demon who was going to kill frank lampard. and majestically. i want to be able to do that. please help me. please.
Thursday, November 3
-shrugs
yes chelsea lost again. sink your teeth in people. i just don't take it to be a very good sign that i'm getting used to this. not many manyoo fans are laughing tho. come on you blues!
all i do is study all day and all night long. life is really getting boring.
yeah right. (i mean the studying part)
i miss you!
oh yeah, it won't. -points to post below. i'm too scared for that.
