Monday, October 31
goodnight.if 'twere to happen, this night would probably be as close as i come to being suicidal.
measure for measure
so i've been sentenced, and judged, even before i've been tried, before i've had a chance to speak up for myself. no, i'm not protesting innocence, for i know i am indeed guilty as charged.
the motive of crime, simple. so innoculous that it may just seem like another lie.
the world may look down at me with their scornful eyes, and cast me as a cast-iron criminal. but i wouldn't have a care in this world if you would see things through the same eyes as i would do. i ask not for clemency, for i remain secure in the knowledge that that, time will provide. all i ask for is a fair trial from no one else but you, a chance only for mitigation, not necessarily exoneration.
your reassurances, comforting. thank you for being here with me, even if it was just for a while, in this time of loss and utter despondency. thank you for telling me that things will be fine. thank you for just being you. i fabricate not a word i speak here, and may the harsh hands of justice strike upon me should there ever come a time where the incongruence of my words, thoughts and deeds do you any wrong.
and to my friend now lost: if i had a chance to explain myself, i only ask to be heard.
i'll go now, and in my weariness i would poignantly acknowledge that time shall provide, if nothing else, healing of wounds that have been thrust wide open.
hmm
even damien rice could hardly help. i sank my ears into "cold water" and by that time i was supposed to have fallen asleep but alas. the mind was willing but the body was not, and much as i wanted to i have failed to be there for you, even if it was just for a few minutes, even if it would seem insignificant, even if no one else might have thought it important.
nothing like a bit of new order to lift the spirits a little in the morning.
please enjoy yourself and come home soon. =)
Sunday, October 30
so long
6 days feels so long. that would be half of my run-in to the a lvls.
so long, my dear.
Saturday, October 29
oath of honesty
(disclaimer: you can ignore this post if you know ure not "you")
to you,
my only star left when i look at the stars (R-R-Rs) above and see nothing, my reason for going to school at unearthly hours for no reason, my sleepyhead,
guilty as charged. i'm sorry. you know i'd never do it for no reason. and time will prove it'd not happen again. i promise.
xoxo
Monday, October 24
everton 1-1 chelsea
the air, stiller than usual. every step, heavier. every breath more laboured. the day, more difficult to get by. the unthinkable has come! and they make it out like chelsea were supposed to win every single game they play 8-0. but heck, might chelsea were held to a shocking draw by david moyes' everton, the manager going some way in emulating his biblical namesake as the Goliath of world football is put in its place.
so now everyone will pounce, like vultures to a dead bull, on the chelsea-bashing bandwagon, just because chelsea did not beat everton 11-0. truth is, they knew they couldn't match chelsea in football so they came to rough us up. truth is, too, that chelsea fell for it. maybe now chelsea will lose their next 12 games, mr. abramovich will get bored, lampard and gallas will go to ipswich town and wigan will win the premiership.
so the world will be dark. until the next chelsea win of course.
but thank god there's still you.
Thursday, October 20
i dream
unbelievable. i can't help but think that this is too good to be true. maybe it is. i don't want to be negative. but i know how it feels like to get your hopes up then get those silly and stupid thoughts shoved straight back into your face. but you've opened my eyes to what i've never seen before. a heart that has been kicked, bruised and betrayed and understandably skeptical suddenly sees light, with the smiles and sunshine. every step has its own music. and i never knew i could have a dream like that, until that dream that was you. you've made it all beautiful again.
if i can close my eyes and dream, will you come along with me?
Monday, October 17
the night i saw beauty
'twas night, i gazed at beauty,
like stars, her eyes and face.
count to one! i knew,
at once that i was out of place.
could barely manage a little smile,
heck, i did the best i could.
but all of its friends pointed and laughed at me,
like i knew they would.
so i spent my time on end,
trying to find my voice.
i tried to smile, i tried
to wave and still it to my dismay
was moving away,
i knew not, nothing of choice.
staggered to my senses it seemed,
a poignant scene of sadness.
i opened my eyes
i knew not if it was real,
whichever, a sweet madness.
Sunday, October 16
a tale of two halves
'twas a great first half from bolton. not exactly bad performance from chelsea, but bolton were nippy, zippy and disciplined. and deservedly 1-0 up at half-time i must say. then the special one, with his midas touch, had other ideas. he went into the dressing rooms early, drew up all the plans, changed tactics and players, and the game was over before the hour was up. in chelsea's favour of course.
chelsea 5-1 bolton. and they say we're boring.
Saturday, October 15
let it burn
i've got the call-up from hell.
ups and downs
okay school has ended. i was talking about how there isn't anything forcing me to go to school anymore. and i've been slacking around badly enough. and i just don't feel like doing ANYTHING resembling work.
the soccerettes are "back in action", mobilised after their promos. more going out, movies, shopping and football! hmm
i'll force myself to carry on. with the studying of course.
SOMETIMES, i can't help but get all depressed. and i'm having an outbreak too, which is a sign of stress.
i'm still laughing lots. thanks to my mad bunch of friends.
i'd just be wishing that i'd have enough within myself from now till nov22.
Monday, October 10
what if..
..everyone in this world died and you're the only one left?
..you find that really, you're just stuck in square one, going nowhere, running in circles, chasing tails?
..all that you do would not be enough?
Saturday, October 8
your love is gonna drown
'tis a saturday afternoon. i've got a stack of southeast asian history notes in front of me and a tub of ice cream. neither arouses much interest. maybe i could just spend my day sitting around and wondering about the things that i seemingly have no power to change; that constantly eludes. the ways and means, the time, the figurative slaps in the face. the smiles, the lies. jealousy and pangs of envy and hopelessness.
never mind.
Monday, October 3
blue is the colour
the delirium hasn't faded much. and brings some much needed light.
life, pretty much the same. chasing after shadows of all the things that i might claim to be here for, but which i no longer know.
i really wanna turn around and leave. i'd like to believe i'm almost at the door.
beautiful night
i'd look back on this night, one of those nights where everything feels great, feelings a non-football fan would never come to grasp.
the 3-0 win over barcelona in 1999. winning the cup winners cup with a late goal from zola. 4-0 win against lazio. wayne bridge's goal against arsenal to send them packing from d champions league. then last seasons' wins over barcelona bayern. it seems though, that they all don't come sweeter than tonight. with all my eternal optimism, i would never have dreamt of this kind of scoreline.
liverpool 1-4 chelsea.
sorry for the indulgence.
Sunday, October 2
battle of britain part II
yawn. sick of seeing liverpool.
