Thursday, June 30
"to one shortly to die" - by Walt WhitmanFROM all the rest I single out you, having a message for you:
You are to die - Let others tell you what they please, I cannot prevaricate,
I am exact and merciless, but I love you - There is no escape for you.
Softly I lay my right hand upon you - you just feel it,
I do not argue - I bend m head close, and half envelope it.
I sit quietly by - I remain faithful,
I am more than nurse, more than parent or neighbor,
I absolve you from all except yourself, spiritua, bodily - that is eteral - you yourself will surely
escape,
The corpse you leave will be but excrementitious.
The sun bursts through in unlooked-for drections!
Strong thoughts fill you, and confidence - you smile!
You forget you are sick, as I forget you are sick,
You do not see the medicines - you do not mind the weeping friends - I am with you,
I exclude others from you - there is nothing to be commiserated,
I do not commiserate - I congratulate you.
Sunday, June 26
how beyond normal feelsit pains to see those glistening eyes.
a nature so unspoilt,
innocence so sadly rare.
for this i find is more than just
the ordinary want, need, thirst.
and all i ask is to see for always,
that smile plastered on the pretty face.
everywhere i turn
it's there. i find
myself looking and comparing,
glancing but not staring,
for something remotely like this.
it kills me to see me
looking at me, looking out for you.
uniquely you.
again, not sure if you'll see this. but anyway.
i ask not for possession. i ask not for reciprocation. a silent bliss, just for us to stay like this. i'll be anything you want me to be. the times we had i miss. that fatal message really did sting. people will come and go in our lives but it is this place within me you'll always be. it's funny, that i can feel so much and still smile, and genuinely feel happy for you when you say you're going to be with someone else. for all of this while all i wanted was for you to be happy. nothing changes now. maybe it's just out of the moon stupidity. maybe that's what "beyond normal" feels like. maybe.
untitled poem
dim the blinding light,
scars strewn across my bloody face.
hearts and souls take flight,
away from this pretty place.
in and out the candlelight flickers,
a warmth to make the hearts smile.
a flash to make the flame snuff out,
come get high, just for a while.
that imperfect face on a pedestal,
that was loved just the same.
that familar place where we had all been,
that quizzical puzzling pain.
dim the blinding light,
i yearn for a taste of what's beyond.
that thirst that consumes all of me,
that love that you might have never seen.
Saturday, June 25
it dawned on me that i wanted you more than i thought.
Friday, June 24
latest signing!
after signing asier del horno for 8 million pounds, abramovich has spent the cash to buy the flash once more.
lol. with massage tables and hydrotheraphy pools in that thing, that has to be the most fly team bus in the world!
and it's bullet-proof too.
picture courtesy of The Sun Online.
Thursday, June 23
midyrs is tml!
wish me luck.
Wednesday, June 22
i hope you dance
watched "a lot like love". sweet. fairytale-like. quite funny too.
oh yes. wonder if you'll see this. even if you do, i wonder if you'll know it's you that this is for. what i know, is that it would never feel the same with anyone else. i miss the times we had together, however short it might be.
i see you in the distance. swallowing that bit of bitterness in my throat, i'd wave. and i'd wish you every happiness. and i might even try to smile.
i would only pray, that if ever fate comes a-knocking for us, you'd do more than just take a dismissive glance at who's at the door.
ronan keating - i hope you dance
I hope you never lose
your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat
but always keep that hunger,
May you never take
one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave
you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small
when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens,
Promise me that
you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice
to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance, I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear
those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for
the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances,
but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake,
but it's worth makin',
Don't let some Hell bent heart
leave you bitter,
If you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above
more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice
to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance, I hope you dance.
I hope you dance, I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion
always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small
when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens,
Promise me that
you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice
to sit it out or dance.
Dance.. I hope you dance.
I hope you dance, I hope you dance.
I hope you dance, I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion
always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)
Tuesday, June 21
distractions
didn't study at all today. muahaha. wanted to.
slight distraction of magic though. and also the knowledge that i may have just built the most powerful deck i ever had. (certainly most irritating)
and finally played soccer after lyk a zillion years. it was uber shiok. almost 2 hours, non-stop. and i don't even feel tired now. and i feel on form.
oh did you just say exams are coming this friday?
Monday, June 20
us grand prix
what an amazing US grand prix. only 6 cars started? all teams running michelin tyres were expelled after the warmup lap, due to there being a potentially fatal problem with those tyres. that left only ferrari, jordan and minardi to race. it was a totally different experience. but just kinda underlines what F1 can throw up at you.
schumacher won, barrichello second, with the two ferraris racing wheel to wheel. reminds me of the good old days where it was always them two fighting for first place. oh and a jordan got third. monteiro did grab his chance with both hands.
i guess an extraordinary grand prix deserves its own post.
but oh, happy birthday super frankie lampard!
Sunday, June 19
time to blog
time to blog!
nothing happened today.
ever woke up in the morning (or afternoon) and find some part of your body injured because you didn't sleep properly or something?
wonder how i injured my nose.
i had the best alcohol i ever had last night.
i think i might study tonight..
Friday, June 17
two weeks
so apple tells me i'm gonna have to wait two weeks for them to get me my new ipod. it's a mini. no chance, they say, of paying a bit to upgrade to a 20gig one.
TWO WEEKS!
oh and i'm bored. econs is in a week's time and i haven't studied a single shit.
it's been so long. and Chelsea hasn't signed anyone. even sold two players already. byebye forssell and parker. argh. tsktsk. oh and i want adriano at Chelsea!
ah. i'm out.
Thursday, June 16
diarrhoea
after 5 days without blogging i'm entitled to think that i can be forgiven for blogger diarrhoea now.
but what do i write about? i can go at length about my trip but no one would wanna know.
in the 5 days out i've had a lot of time to myself. with the hotel room to myself. i quite liked the solitude.
i hate to be saying that actually, i still want you. i say i don't. but i do.
normal service resumed
HI PEOPLE! i'm back!
5 days. did nth. except eat, shop and sleep. some of the stuff there is really really cheap. lyk $2 swensens ice cream anyone? hmm.
funfunfun. 5 days of doing nothing. eat shop sleep eat shop sleep eat shop sleep.
oh and a 1 litre bottle of PURE 40% absolut vodka for $24.90 at DFS. heh heh.
my life was a boring, unhappening mess. i guess it's normal service resumed.
Saturday, June 11
almost
my phone's been so quiet i almost forgot it existed.
i haven't played football for so long i almost forgot how to kick one.
my life's been so uneventful i almost forgot i had one.
and i almost had you.
contrary to what i said, what you said, and what you didn't say, i can almost turn my head away but this little part of me says i don't want to.
Thursday, June 9
ramblings
i feel like eating everything in this whole damn world. now that i am given a clean bill of health.
i love coldplay's new album.
and i find it so hard to pretend that nothing has ever happened.
anything you can lose is not worth hanging onto anyway.
spin an intricate web. and get caught in it.
i cross my fingers. and maybe one day you'd see.
83mg/dl
i am okay. okay okay okay. well below the threshold of 120mg/dl.
just how scary was it when the doc said "you might have diabetes"?
i knew i was gonna be okay. but still it was harrowing. just think. no more chocolates. no more sweets. no more pepsi. no more ice cream. no more of all these and more. heck, not even rice and potato. i could just die.
ahh but i am okay.
oh yes.
i thought of telling you, but maybe i'd let you do what you do.
Wednesday, June 8
mr and mrs smith
real fighting, guns-a-blazing action. and great witty humour. actually both enmeshed together brilliantly. what a movie. worth every dollar spent i reckon. go catch it!
wonder what the future holds. the spectre is killing me.
Tuesday, June 7
shopping!
fun day out with jerry and terry.
okay. not a real spree. but i did spend over a hundred bucks on a new pair of shoes. i never really thought of nike before having been pro-adidas since i can remember. but i never looked beyond it once it caught my eye.
heard your voice for a while, and i thought i missed it.
Sunday, June 5
somebody told me
actually nobody told me.
how long did you intend to deceive?
i knew late. thankfully though, not too late.
you did well. you were so good that i fell for it. head over toes. and yes if you didn't know, it used to hurt. not that much now.
okay, bye.
Saturday, June 4
food for thought
to come close, only for it to elude you.
or to never have seen it before.
which is worse?
if you've come close, only for it to elude you, then you might rather not have seen it at all.
if you've never seen it before, you might have hoped to at least come close to it.
so which is worse?
Friday, June 3
in the shoes
some sections of the public may derride the huge amounts that formula one drivers are paid. well u know that michael schumacher has made it when he can afford comfortably to donate US$10 million to the tsunami disaster fund.
i was a racer, albeit a virtual one (ps2) , for one race. 67 laps non-stop. and i nearly died. i think jerry nearly died too.
and real drivers withstand temperatures going up to 60 degrees celsius, constant vibration in the car, not being allowed to stop to for stretching or water break, etc.
ahahaha it was fun. crazy. but absolutely exhausting. what a workout.
Wednesday, June 1
i tried..
i tried to study. i really did.
actually, it feels like shit. i really didn't want to. :S
pool is funfunfun!
my life is complicated.
