.:: Ed ::.

goodbye

2007-12-31T19:31:00.000+08:00

so this is goodbye

hello people i've moved.

click hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

the Russian winter night

2007-12-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

the Russian winter night

'twas a cruel Russian winter night

on the notorious streets of Leningrad.

Carcasses and corpses, some breathe with life,

they smudge the boulevards so fair.

blood, spilled, sprinkled like stardust

on a canvas white as snow.

the quiet of artillery fire

cuts through the cruel Russian woe.

alexei and elizabeth stay huddled close,

two emaciated bodies warm and welcome.

he utters a cruel Russian lie

to this lady pure and dear.

T34s mow through crowds,

moan, groan and curse the sky.

some see their feet get cold or rot

some others watch their mothers die.

hidden in a spot of warmth,

in the cruel Russian winter night

was it the freezing air or the thin hay?

or their hasty breath so joined?

they melt into each other arms,

warmth succeeds the world cold and dry.

but to get this lady dear,

he uttered this cruel Russian lie.

the lady dear lay

atop our Russian hero,

loved and tainted,

a passion in flames below subzero.

he stops her, rolls over,

as cool as ice, this Russian lie.

our lady in tears as a few shots ring,

shiny metals lodged in his hapless spine.

a cruel loveless Russian boy,

and his cruel Russian lie.

our lady naked again, and cold,

in the Russian winter night.

unhinging

2007-10-10T05:47:00.000+08:00

unhinging

all is peaceful now but i still ring my fingers in a sort of irrational fear and trepidation.

.

2007-10-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

.

i never thought i'd be back here, counting the many times i've tried to type something and then fail abjectly.

oh how much would this love be worth?

crossroads

2007-07-31T18:54:00.000+08:00

crossroads

for a post that is the first in a long while, i sincerely apologise for the rather trashy title. (which as the post turns out, does not make any sense at all but i shall keep it anyway)

and as if to continue the pretensions of grandiose, i would also like to say sorry to my hordes of adoring fans who make it a point to visit my blog as regularly as a religious litany.

all that aside, doesn't it stink of me just trying to fill this space? all because well, i had declared to girlfriend my resolution to post something tonight.

this is a personal blog yes. and very frankly i've grown pretty tired and busy to maintain it at levels which i used to. and there have been numerous occasions where the conundrum of "why do people even bother?" come to mind.

it could be because of an exhibitionist streak, an innate human desire and want to demonstrate value. by having people bother to read your blog and comment about, say, how funny the guy you mentioned in this-and-this post was or how unlucky you are to hurt your gums while brushing your teeth in the morning while you're still tired cause you went to a boring party last night and then go on to wet your favourite pyjamas while washing your face, blogging could very well fulfill this need.

or it could be a call for attention. "oh maggie you sound so sad on your blog, are you okay?" familiar?

i am pretty sure blogging did not start like these though. the first blogs were possibly political in nature, carrying serious messages although still remaining individual and personal. the well-written ones generated more hits, gained cult status and this whole blogging thing came to people's attentions. then you have blogs which, while not as serious, are rather more informative than the colour of the underwear you wore yesterday. like technology and sports and the like.

okay and then there is me. my blog is generally trash. it has nothing anybody who does not know me would want to read. it is cryptic and does not make sense half the time. and thus it acts as a vent. when i feel down i vomit it all out over here, generally avoiding much detail at all. if people ask and i feel like telling then i could pour my heart out about what's up. if not i dismiss it as imaginative writing. and there was much of this in the not-too-distant past.

but as of now, i am generally pretty happy with my life. my long and protracted prison sentence is coming to an end soon, it's been unforgettable, in as bad a sense of the word as you can think of. i have also had the good luck of having settled upon my university studies, some money in tow too, and an interesting and stable if not totally exhilarating career thereafter. a passion in certain investments is starting to pay off as well. and last but not least (no, i couldn't resist another cliche) i still have girlfriend. (yes folks, it is still the same one as it's been for some time now.)

which is why i really don't blog as often now. :)

---------------------------------------------------------

oh yes i've fulfilled my resolution by blogging about blogging, and explained myself to my adoring faithful why i don't blog as often these days. how very clever yes?

heads and shoulders and knees and toes.

2007-07-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

heads and shoulders and knees and toes.

for the one who kicked me in the arse just slightly less than one year ago, this is a big smile and a finger in your general direction that screams "i'm back!" and i truly believe that this time, it'd finally be good enough.

for the one who began kicking me in the arse about one and a half years ago, this is a big smile and a finger in your general direction that screams "i'm off!" and i scamper away only to have the gigantic arms and fingers of mister establishment going in his most metallic and megatron-like voice "not so soon, bastard."

and for the one who charged through the doors of my life suddenly and without knocking about six months ago, this is a big smile and ten fingers plus embracing arms in your general direction to envelope you in a big big virtual hug. i love you and i thank my stars everyday that despite the strangest conditions everything has worked out. it's not perfect but it's as close as it gets.

i just had the best sold-in-normal-stores sliced bread. (read: the name obviously excludes bread not sold at supermarkets / mama shops eg. breadtalk)

:)

2007-06-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

:)

make me happy,
make me sad.
make me love you forever,
together we'll grow old and mad.

distance ; brick and mortar

2007-06-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

distance ; brick and mortar

any distance, is a distance too far. for i am only whole when there lays not an inch between us. much less to say, for the distance actually far enough to be rendered as more than simply perceivable.

-----------------------

like a butterfly that cannot wait to break free of his oppression, within cloisters so dim and dull, i look forward to the coming days.

-----------------------

baby please come back soon. we need each other.

.

2007-06-11T00:15:00.000+08:00

.

a stitch in time, has saved me more than nine. the golden thread weaves around magically, and it is such that it would go on and on, material aplenty. rough brushes held by magic fingers may not always hit the spot, but no matter, for when the big picture emerges it will come right, surreal and picturesque.

he's back

2007-05-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

he's back

the well-travelled hermit shifts from place to place but never really gets anywhere. and all around, are people who talk a whole lot but do not say anything. grandiose posturing. fakes and transience and meaninglessness brushed with broad strokes of the same grey.

but then, as close to fairy tales as they come, it seems like he's gone to a better place.

i believe

2007-05-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

i believe

religion can be loosely defined as a system of beliefs that one adheres to, usually surrounding an intangible yet omnipotent object, person, passion or ideal. it is the belief in something which may or may not be real, and usually involves a huge leap of faith. a leap of faith, in turn, usually involves putting aside fears, expectations, and pre-existing beliefs.

beliefs in something akin to the intensity of 'religion' would, i believe, be the antithesis of sound logic and reason. a debate between a staunch atheist and someone religious may end up as a trench war of cold hard facts that round to a solid case, against a more "feeling" one which few can claim to have the moral high ground or even any establishment of fact to condemn religion and its arguments as pure fallacy. who is to judge?

but hey, papa don't breach. and so wouldn't i.

baby, if you are looking for reasons, look no further. countless people have barked up that tree, few satisfied. i've mentioned countless times how we are so amazing, how we stand up and say "f*ck all" in the face of convention. how everything fell into place so perfectly that it couldn't have been coincidence, neither could it be explained by logic. since it is all so hard to define, why try?

together, we can see with our hearts, not with the eyes. belief in this crazy little thing called love means that we seek not logic and reason, buzzwords for those who don't believe enough.

take my hand, take this leap of faith with me. to a place where the signboards are few, and we may sometimes lose our way. but i will be there with you every step of the way. there'll be no one who can say we are only daydreaming. and i will follow you into the dark.

online marketing scam (not!)

2007-04-29T20:28:00.000+08:00

online marketing scam (not!)

people out there, i can personally vouch for this. it works! of course, as with anything that actually will work, it does not promise millions or a secret system that will make you tens of thousands of dollars of passive income monthly doing nothing. it is, also, not a replacement for your job. in fact it's just in the range of like $20-$60 a month if you do it properly, or maybe near a $100 if you do it really well. but hey, who's ever complained of extra money?

click this:

bad day

2007-04-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

bad day

i have a sore throat and a horrid migraine. manyoo won, and chelsea failed to match that. i'm dog-tired, the aircon's not working totally well and the chips i had bought sucked.

and perhaps worst of all my ladaye's approximately 6076km away.

it's when you know, it's not such a good day.

roar.

2007-04-26T19:34:00.000+08:00

roar.

yes, you may hate me (us?). but anyway do enjoy yourself now, if somehow all this fills a perverse need or void that you may have. and i'll get back at you. it's a promise.

2007-04-21T20:00:00.000+08:00

the phantom

couldn't have been any other way could it? phantom of the opera was abso-fcuking-lutely amazing.

you alone can make my soul take flight. :)

whoops, sorry.

2007-04-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

whoops, sorry.

i refer to the tag from "madflanker" as a basis for this post.

i apologise to various readers who have at some point in my time read this blog. i'd go so far as to suggest 'regulars', but okay maybe not really cause after all who wants to read about the life of a boring army guy?

nevertheless, i would imagine that perfection and this calm bliss can be a hell lot more boring than the cynical musings.

but cynical ed's not coming back for a good while yet. or so i'd like to believe.

with those shoes of ours we can go anywhere together.

letter to love; note to self.

2007-04-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

letter to love; note to self.

and i oftentimes think, could i be forgiven for thinking that everything's so perfect? it is, for an eternal pessimist, such a great great leap. but with every passing day, the good ones and even the not so good ones too, i get a tiny bit more confident that i may, for once, be right.

and it is with each random scene playing in my head now, of us somewhere sometime laughing out loud together, or just sitting quietly with our hands interlocked, that i know for sure i would struggle with much futility to find anything like this.

and i would only pray that when the chips are down, we would rise above it as we deserve to do.

and it's nights like these i truly realise how much i need you.

and so, please forgive me baby, for being the irritating twat i can be at times. i know i say i don't mean it, but even so i confess it should not be excused. there's room only for two of us, and yeah my ego will have to stay outside.

iloveyou. :)

the great swede

2007-04-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

the great swede

oh yeah, as we walk down the aisles at ikea it is generally agreed that most of the stuff there are gorgeous, and there isn't anything much that we would agree to be disagreeable to the senses. even food, food from a furniture store, is pretty much pleasing. we meander along the aimless corridors hand in hand, pointing at tables, curtains, lights, bathroom fittings and everything else, gushing much over some and not so much over others, sitting on a few sofas and generally being very merry, aside from the few occasions where we lose each other through losing ourselves with the furniture. but we always find each other eventually, and so the few moments of freedom is fine. all these, while we envisage a small future house but then can't seem to make up our silly minds due to us wanting to buy every single thing, albeit the ones on sale more than the ones that are not.

but it is thus we come to an agreement, whereby you'll pick the colour schemes and me, well i'll just do the assembling.

guest post by anonymous

2007-03-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hello there stranger,

And I promise, when everywhere else is cold, unwelcoming and show little or no promises of happiness, when friendly faces are few and rare, when waking up in the morning seems harder and harder and the world just becomes so jaded...

I'll save you a seat next to me, just the two of us.

- guest post by anonymous

and so..

2007-03-27T21:22:00.000+08:00

and so..

"..at last she looked up at him. her eyes were full of tears, and her look unbearably naked. such looks we have all once or twice in our lives received and shared; they are those in which worlds melt, pasts dissolve, moments when we know, in the resolution of profoundest need, that the rock of ages can never be anything else but love, here, now, in these two hands' joining, in this blind silence in which one head comes to rest beneath the other; and which Charles, after a compressed eternity, breaks, though the question is more breathed than spoken.."

(chapter 60, 'the french lieutenant's woman', john fowles)

beautiful.

quote-unquote

2007-03-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

quote-unquote

him: yeah we'll buy the tent.
her: yay! our first house!

how wonderfully perfect. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

someone please constantly remind me, that i want to write a mini-essay on the mechanics of the power struggle between man and itself, and nature. but i just ain't got any time. and also, on my previous seven hundred attempts to do it, my intellectual capacity just wasn't up to scratch. i AM becoming stupidddddd.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

24 days, to 200 days, to possibly the happiest day of my life.

sex on the beach

2007-03-17T14:14:00.000+08:00

sex on the beach

1 oz vodka
3/4 oz peach schnapps
cranberry juice
grapefruit juice

:)

eye of the storm

2007-03-11T12:59:00.000+08:00

eye of the storm

disney on ice wasn't as bad as someone thought it would be. (right?)

unscathed we remain.

nothing better

2007-03-03T19:49:00.000+08:00

nothing better

life couldn't be better, and everything just seriously couldn't be more perfect. seriously my dear, we're so good, people are copying us.

let this go on and on and on and on and on and on and on......

clutching at straws

2007-02-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

clutching at straws

i had just read that the british government had recruited psychics to look for osama bin laden. reports of success has been unconfirmed.

---------------------------

notice the subtle bigotry in the following piece of journalism:-

Bird-brained Chinese scientists learn to fly pigeons

Scientists in eastern China say they have succeeded in controlling the flight of pigeons with micro electrodes planted in their brains, state media reported on Tuesday.

Scientists at the Robot Engineering Technology Research Centre at Shandong University of Science and Technology said ther electrodes could command them to fly right or left or up or down, Xinhua news agency said.

"It's the first such successful experiment on a pigeon in the world," Xinhua quoted the centre's chief scientist, Su Xuecheng, as saying.

Su and his colleagues, who Xinhua said had had similar success with mice in 2005, were improving the devices used in the experiment and hoped that the technology could be put into practical use in future.

The report did not specify what practical uses the scientists saw for the remote-controlled pigeons.

sounds like heaven

2007-02-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

sounds like heaven

i'm just pretty thrilled that i found earphones that sound like heaven and didn't make me bankrupt, at a random and unsophisticated and crummy shop in the heartland.

..and we find so much together, those earphones included.

in pictures

2007-02-26T21:01:00.000+08:00

in pictures

17-year old wonderkid walcott opens the scoring and was a pain in chelsea's arse for much of the game.

but drogba scores his customary goal, his 27th of the season.

chelsea and england captain terry is down unconscious and swallows his tongue in a freak accident, diaby (the culprit) holds in head in fear and guilt. mister indestructible is to return onto the pitch after the game to celebrate the victory.

drogba wins it with a bullet header, getting onto the end of a superb robben cross.

winners, and hopefully the first of a few this year.

it would be lovely..

2007-02-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

yes it would be lovely..

..if i never ever had to leave your side.

caught in this crazycrazylove, so fast and whirlwind yet so sweet and steady.
with you.

..and we can stay like this forever.

be my valentine

2007-02-17T18:34:00.000+08:00

be my valentine?

when we share the same words over and over again, when terms like 'rest of our lives' and 'forever' are bandied about, it strangely fills me with no fear nor dread, only surprise for they are supposed to.

and this feels so settled, so comfortable. and still fills me with much amazement. like in the way we share so much, so easily. and a million other reasons.

happy valentine's, for all the days we're gonna share.

feels like home

2007-02-09T12:18:00.000+08:00

feels like home

and there played a silent song, one which no one could hear but themselves. it's a song they share, a song with no words and no music but only lined with the delicate sounds of felicity. there was a spring in the step, no one else really could quite understand why. suddenly even being made to wake up at unearthly hours didn't even seem to be a bad thing. no matter, if being awake feels better than to stay asleep and dream.

and it was thus the plain became beautiful, the silence was filled and all the air, pollutants and glasshouse gases notwithstanding, so fresh and clean.

and this is where the wanderer, helped along nicely by incomprehensible forces, has indeed found his home. in the unlikeliest corner of the world, which stood no further than a stone's throw from his own little backyard when he had been in vain searching far and wide. and it is here where he fully intends to stay from now on, leaving his vagrant days and wandering ways firmly behind. it's a new life to get used to, but he sees no other outcome but unparalleled success and unbridled joy..

..just being lost with his own true love.

heaven

2007-02-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

heaven

people come forth and speak about heaven, and it's not usually something i grasp at all. but i know now that i have my own little place to call heaven. and it's right there in those arms, gentle at times and so lyrically forceful in others; and right there too, in the proverbial bridge that almost impossibly and impeccably harmoniously seems to connect our two minds, hearts and bodies.

it could be more than just amazing.

.

2007-02-03T20:56:00.000+08:00

.

it's those little words,
the smile so bright and sprightly,
and moments so delicate and real.

and you were just so close by all along.

eat salt

2007-02-01T06:05:00.000+08:00

eat salt

feels as though at this moment in time, it would get too tiring to move at all. but then again when have i ever been right.

..and it's like how a little salt is good for your food, and a little more kinda sucks. but trying swallowing spoonful upon spoonful, and you'll soon not taste anything at all.

.

2007-01-30T21:16:00.000+08:00

.

underneath the hustle and bustle, amidst the rush of it all as if the entire world's gushing onto me in liquid form, is a sense, deluded or not, that everything and anything can wait.

bolt from the blue

2007-01-28T12:09:00.000+08:00

bolt from the blue

the surprise. shock even.

a few very special hours.

and then the realisation that it might be so transcient. yet dishonest it'd be, to say that it's a surprise not most pleasantest, and not hoped upon to take on certain permanence after the completion of what could be loosely termed a full circle.

and?

2007-01-26T21:50:00.000+08:00

and?

and i think. and it doesn't go away.

-

2007-01-25T15:29:00.000+08:00

-

'cause there's a thousand lights out there so far,
that'll make you feel brand new.
but should you ever lose your way,
i'll light the next one for you.

a death-boat of kismet

2007-01-21T01:06:00.000+08:00

a death-boat of kismet

faces beckon, people threaten,
in the dim lights of a foreign land.
not before nightfall would there
exist, the touch of a soothing hand.
the soul aches as throat and heart
are dry as desert sand,
awash with the drops of rain,
this resolve, unwilling to bend.

a hundreth and first night
adrift across rough seas.
stranded in waves coded so by
loss and entrophy.
in this deep and loud silence the wanderer finds
himself in a grotesque embrace.
seawards he could not gaze and
as he died i took his place.

to sit, duck, as raging storms ablaze.
to await the truth that so far never came.
to harbour hopes of the harbour,
only to hold back a cry so tame.
to huddle close in this group of one,
and pray, let my passing be quick!
to linger as the harsh hammer of kismet
descends, delievers its verdict;

(to hear the words from you so dear,
will you or will you not be near.)

i still

2007-01-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

i still

don't want anyone or anything else.

and i won't claim to stay forever
or i'll never ever go.
it's just me and my corner and i'll be waiting,
till this love starts to get too cold.

economics 101

2007-01-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

economics 101

capitalism:

you have two cows. you sell one and buy a bull. your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. you sell them and retire on the income.

enron-style venture capitalism:

you have two cows. you sell three of them to your publicly traded company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

the milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. the annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

repeat as necessary until you have $62 billion in assets, then declare bankruptcy.

pictures of a conversation

2007-01-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

pictures of a conversation

* friend says:
im sorry i sound pissy but i've been lied to ever since i was a child, so im not big on this whole trust/commitment thing

* friend says:
(THATS WHY I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES TOO)

* friend says:
they went oh we'll bring you to america
DIDNT HAPPEN

* friend says:
mother said she'll bring me to crocodile farm
DIDNT HAPPEN

* friend says:
said they'd buy me this for supper
DIDNT HAPPEN

* friend says:
said they'd bring me somewhere SOMEDAY
that fucking day NEVER CAME

* friend says:
you see a trend
now with this car they said they're buying me, IM NOT SURPRISED
pffft

* guy says:
we're told that there's a higher being since young, and scores of people all around the world (me included) would love to believe him. but tell that to all the dying people everyday. it's said he'll save them you know.

* guy says:
DIDNT HAPPEN.

* guy says:
people are told to study hard, then they'll get a good job and have a happy life.
DIDNT HAPPEN

* guy says:
world peace
DIDNT HAPPEN

* guy says:
we're told that money is not everything and that love is.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN

* guy says:
we're taught to trust. trust is good.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

* guy says:
"friends forever"
NOT GONNA HAPPEN

* guy says:
we live in one big lie.
we live to wait to die.
why care so much ?

* friend:
because we're taught to care?

*guy:
who cares ?
no one's gonna care. no one's gonna see you cry.

* guy says:
comfort, love, joy, strength, hope. these are things we're told that others will give us.
DIDNT HAPPEN

random

2007-01-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

random

"hey parents, can i get married?"
"no, go to your room."
-trudges off

9 crimes

2007-01-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

9 crimes

leave me out with the waste,
this is not what i do.
it's the wrong kind of place,
to be thinking you.

it's the wrong time,
for somebody new.
it's a small crime,
and i've got no excuse.

--------

i've got this letter that i wrote to you. it's still with me.

guess what?

2007-01-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

guess what?

i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say. i have something to say.

my day

2007-01-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

my day

was more than usually beautiful.

a little question

2007-01-08T20:52:00.000+08:00

a little question

if i would be like the flower,
and stay just this once instead of running away.
and hang firmly around, rooted,
even when things are going astray.

will you stay with me, and bathe me in your endless laughter?

public service announcement

2007-01-08T20:46:00.000+08:00

public service announcement

to my dearest friends who have m1 as your mobile service provider, i'm choosing my three free calls. so if you think you can stand my voice and think you can really entertain me, apply now!

blue flower

2007-01-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

blue flower

spring wears a pastel-flavoured dress,
like bright colours of crayons bled into one.
the balmy warm winds caress the skin,
as the shepherds catch sight of the elusive sun.

upon them soon were clasps of thunder,
angry clouds survey the scene.
in the corner of the shed,
lay a rose, blue and serene.

the cottagers scrambled to the roofs of straw,
some of them had raincoats, though not all.
as the rain beat down on the hoods,
one solitary rose, still going strong.

summer sunshine soon usurped the land,
'twas a time, at least here, for the harvests and cheer.
young girls and boys fall happily in love,
the men of the house hunt for game and deer.

not to be left alone was humble rain,
even as young children were out to play.
peoples and cattle were carried away,
on the days where rain held sway.

autumn brought with it voices of wisdom
and an air of sobering truth and rest.
rustling leaves pile up along,
and a good many animals were gone.

yet in the same corner lay the good blue rose,
much ravaged and half-withered but still going strong.
as the bells of the season harbingers the sordid sound of death
for most of the others of its lot.
without much fanfare the first snow falls,
the white shroud of death that covers all.
and beneath that bitter ice,
was the rose standing not strong but tall.
a soldier trudged and fell upon his knees in tears,
on this road too winding and long.
the flower hangs on as it keeps,
a hope of spring, just one more swansong.

p.s. to whom you know it concerns: this is for you, as requested!

resolution #1

2007-01-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

resolution #1

see "reading list" on the right. that's right, i resolve to read more widely, and more deeply. business books may enter the list some time, but resolution number one of year 2007 is to feed a new-found appetite for classic prose.

shit.

2007-01-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

shit.

oh dear. 'tis the screwup of the year, three days in.

random

2007-01-02T21:09:00.000+08:00

random

if i could be a fly on the wall, i know where i wanna go.

hello, it's new year.

2007-01-01T16:49:00.000+08:00

hello 2007

and so, this is the new year. and it is resolutions time. and so i shall have just one:

live to see the next new year.

movie of the year..

2006-12-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

movie of the year..

..for me, it is borat. and it's not simply 'cause it's so roll-on-the-floor funny. the humour is full of sexual innuendos, (oh wait it's not exactly innuendo cause it doesn't attempt to hide), but it never gets crude which is pretty difficult to attain given the obviously sexual subject matter.

at first glance it may come across as cheap humour, with the other little digs at very traditional kinds of satire at institutions like marriage and the like. PLUS of course, all that R-rated stuff and borat himself in a skimpy one-piece bikini-lookalike.

what the trailers don't show is the heart-wrenching story behind the (mis)adventures of one man who wants, more than anything else: to belong; as well as a sincere, if somewhat misguided search for the love of his life.

so 'Borat', a tear-jerker? well not quite, unless you count the tears of laughter, but for me i had the 'lump-in-my-throat' feeling at certain parts of the story where it can get pretty poignant, rather dismal, and totally feeling sorry for that clowny character.

shall not reveal more, JUST WATCH IT and go into it, not that it's the only thing great about it, thinking that it's gonna be the funniest movie you ever watched.

and so it is christmas

2006-12-25T11:24:00.000+08:00

and so it is christmas

as mobile phones get more advanced and niftier technologies come into our daily consciousness, it is also an alarming phenomena that while phonebook memories are getting bigger, they are also getting shorter.

it also goes to show that size doesn't matter. it's how you put them in and take them out. (the numbers, of course)

AND so, (i've digressed)

to all people from christmas celebrating families, have yourself a merry merry christmas! for those who don't exactly celebrate christmas in that manner, just pretend that you do and have yourself a merry merry christmas!

to happily-together couples out there, long may it continue and enjoy it while it lasts! to the singles, there's always your hand to help you out. (to ring up an old friend, what were you thinking?)

special mention goes out to the numerous military personnel around the world who are away from home, whether it's in the harsh, unforgiving lands of iraq or some cold desert (or in sunny singapore) you serve a greater cause, your sacrifice is immense and it's not your fault.

they say christmas is a time to tell the truth. that it is a time where miracles happen. so go on, tell that someone you love him/her; let go of that lie you've kept in you for so long; make a wish. (for fans of red-tops, go on and pray that chelsea won't win the premiership again, it may just happen this time round)

i've been babbling a lot of nonsense. i'll go. but let's just say:

all i wanted for christmas is you. but i couldn't tell you. and now that people have unwrapped their presents, i guess it's clear that santa thinks i haven't been a good enough boy.

and so perhaps i shall stop believing in santa and grow up. as i always have been doing.

insert repetition

2006-12-24T17:46:00.000+08:00

insert repetition

the fact is that, i've been here before. like a video cassette badly scratched, recurrent images play in the screens of my ajumbled mind.

and i always think of running away.

re: complaint (case id: 2231)

2006-12-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

re: complaint (case id: 2231)

somebody's complaining that there's too much melancholy around here. (are you here?! haha.)

so, for the record, i think at this moment in time i'm pretty happy, thanks to a variety of things but in no small part to a pretty happy person. :D

all i want for christmas

2006-12-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

all i want for christmas

as i sang the song of a thousand regrets, the lyrics bit hard. it's a bit like not quite knowing what's right and how to do what's right, yet feeling all the small things that you do: just so damn out of tune.

and so it is, at least things are clear now i guess. this clarity brings with it raises more questions than it answers. i know you know i know you know how this feels.

maybe i could just leave it for a while.

at least, at last, i didn't have to run away. i could tiptoe out the door, and still be secure in the knowledge that when as i return a different person to you and to myself the door would at least still be slightly ajar.

and so, moving on,

to, erm, maybe something more airy-fairy like christmas, festive wishes, and 180 different versions of "all i want for christmas is you" playing in the air at each turn. (lotsa msn nicks with that too, you notice.) christmas has always irked me for some reason. whether it is the conspiracy theory that it's all just an elaborate corporate scam to boost certain ailing economies with piles of national debt (ahem.) that seems rather pertinent to me, or the fact that everything in life seems extra nice when it's not supposed to be. (just look at the xmas movies!)

but anyway..

what do i want for christmas? let's see. okay here goes: i just wanna feel more romance, less cynicism, less natural disasters and more miracles, and just wanna be happy for christmas! (see how stupid that sounds?)

so let's try again.

how about some cash? :D

where we stand.

2006-12-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

where we stand.

and through all the shit we arise, even stronger than before. :)

the unoriginal and more

2006-12-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

and the post-script

i wanna be less caring of what others feel. be less conscious, less rational. be able to get drunk, instead of never letting my mind wander too far.

to lose it and let fly at someone, instead of fearing the regret afterwards. to do something wrong, and worry about being punished later instead of feeling crippled. to dance and kiss and fuck like i've never done before, instead of being afraid to hurt someone.

and to run away, and not think of how important it is to always stay in control.

the slightly more original

with every moment i had nothing to say, i felt i had to say something. but everything i say seems to be the wrong thing to say. why did it get so bad at all?

it's dawned on me that, much as the "as if i had never known before" feeling exists, that anything in life can be so transient. it certainly meant more to me than that. all those times spent, the times that ego-centric me has been there taking all that abuse. i had thought, foolishly or not, that a kind word of thanks would do, if nothing else.

the fight's been fought, and i don't bear to look at the shambles that remain. it could just be less painful to trudge along.

and as the wind of change blows, a gentle music holds its crowd in raptures. it is, however, but a cruel melody that is a curt reminder of everything there was, and everything that could have been.

and it was an instrument which carries with its weight a uniquely silly story, crafted with love from a stranger, and passed upon to someone who now seems even further away, more detached. it now sits in a heap, with a black shroud, away from its intended owner, and further away still from the tenderness that was to have been.

the unoriginal

I don't think I have it in me anymore to simply keep giving. Right now, I want to take. I don't want to have to consider another's feelings. I don't care if I hurt or wound someone.

How about this: I. simply. don't. care. anymore.

thanks cori!

not that strong

2006-12-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

not that strong

maybe, the reason why i saw things the way i used to (and probably still have to do), is not cause of all the strength that i appear to have.

could just have been too afraid.

.

2006-12-08T10:59:00.000+08:00

.

i need some sanity.

i've neglected far too much, of things and people around me. perhaps more significantly, myself too. is this what i really need?

cause if i lose the highs at least i'm spared the lows

despite all the logic that's been laid on the board.. 'you' know my answer.

lost (episode 3122)

2006-11-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

lost (episode 3122)

i can settle for being happy now that you are, and i am. but i still am lost.

i've got so many things to say. but i think the last thing you need now is more pressure. but i don't want to lose you again. but then again, can't lose what you never had. nothing's killing me but myself. so all in all, still lost.

at times i just wanna run away. or hide for a little while. but i'm too weak for that. you'd have probably guessed it too.

show me the way. i'll follow.

in the beginning

2006-11-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

in the beginning

'twas a time where the epl was shown on free-to-air, on a channel that used to be known as "premiere 12". subsequently though, the channel came to become known as "sportscity" (is it?) and the become the "central" today, minus the free football.

but before any epl, the first time i ever watched football was euro 96. hosted in england too, i'd remember, and the names of the various stadia, i remember, caught my eye.

"stamford bridge" wasn't one of those, to be honest. in fact chelsea were a pretty small club with a pretty small stadia, and thus i doubt it was used for any euro matches.

and it was on premiere 12 too, that i caught my first club game. wasn't an epl game, but a champions league game between arsenal and benfica. and then i remember the manyoo and arsenal game where giggs did that now-fabled slalom run and goal thing past the entire arsenal defence. a true moment of awakening, but for some reason i couldn't comprehend i could name the entire manyoo first team (schmeichel, pallister, cole etc.), but i never ever considered myself a fan. (thank heavens!)

and it was at a random shop in bedok central where i first realised that they actually sell those football jerseys! they were all fake, but i couldn't tell the difference in the past. manyoo's had "sharp viewcam" on the front, west ham's had "dagenham motors" and there, this blue jersey with the "cools" caught my eye.

i had got my mum to buy me that blue thing, without even actually knowing what team it was. does sound subverted doesn't it.

and the rest, as they say, is history.

even if.

2006-11-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

even if.

slower,

even if i'm dying to let you know. and to tell you every little bit that's gone through my mind.

slowly, slowly,

take all the time you need. for i have the time of day and i'll promise to be near.

even if you decide to go back.

i know we'll make it anywhere
away from here.

to find a way

2006-11-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

to find a way

one way to love is to seek gratification not in mere possession but in the security of the knowledge that at the end of the day maybe this selflessness can be appreciated in some shape or form. a form so exalted, and through it all never quite as tough.

grounded in dreams and the intangible, yet with pain ever so real.

and all in the pursuit of things small as a smile, a laugh, from the subject of such love.

---

sounds sweet and beautiful, and laced with the altruistic ideal of giving one's own soul up for just one moment of another's happiness. never quite the smartest way to love.

but i'd still.

if i could be just a little bit selfish just for a while, i'll say please choose what you imagine to be what you'll be most happy with months and years down the road, rather than simply the easiest decision. should you finally decide that you're gonna stick with it anyway, please let me know still. whatever it is, it's hard to say what happened, but i knew no better way than to have did what i've done. there could only be so much i can do, and so much i can love. but if it's not enough still i guess i can still force a weary smile, and a little thanks for being the special one that you are.

from the bogus best friend, with lots of love and then some.

whatever "advocating architect" means..

2006-11-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

whatever "advocating architect" means..

move your mouse cursor over to the different colours and wait for about a second to see what it all means. pretty cool really.

---------------------------------

shoutouts:

soph: no lah! as said in the post, computer referees are supposed to eliminate almost all chance of any error and thus make the sport a pure competition of athleticism and skill, not a farce that has its results determined by the whistle of incompetent men as it so often is. and so computer refs are meant to help the players, not replace them.

jfttc: yeah life now is damn boring. it's like reality is really setting in. soa times was like no worries about anything, spending our days bitching about that someone and laughing. now got duty, truck manifest and this and that.

aqe: i know what you did last wednesday (summer). haha. now i know. therefore, i shall be yours for that special day then, is that good enough compensation? (you bet!) hahah.

an old magician

2006-11-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

an old magician

a wistful look back at the store,
of simple wood and bricks of red.
the creaking of the door so strong,
the warm whiff of the fireplace.

'twas a place big enough for one,
away from all land, humans and shores.
a warm cloister, a hideaway,
a sanctuary, was this little toy store.

there, lived an old, plain-looking hermit,
and all his objects of love, so very sweet.
he wasn't one to catch the eye,
with his disheveled skin and all, his time appeared nigh.
but through the coughing, and a build that got more frail,
burnt a flame of passion that seemed to never fail.
his eyes would twinkle with a youthful glow
when the magic fingers are in full flow.

goblins that would jump and yell,
and dolls who could comb their own hair.
and dragons that would breathe fire and scream hell,
and laughing, dancing teddy bears.
his latest toy was the magnificent castle,
opulence oozing from the thrones and cells and gates.
lifelike princes and pirates and beautiful court-ladies,
damn, it could even levitate.

all he had ever known and loved,
were these offspring from his wrinkled hands.
he would hold his creations to his breast,
and proclaim with joy not many understand.
and wipe the dust off his prized creations
unfailingly each day with utmost affection.

it was thought that romance would prevail,
that this little cave-hole could rack up the big sales.
but as the poor man's health began to fail,
along came the conglomerates upon his trail.
awashed with visits and phone calls and mails,
all trying to hang upon the old man's coattails.

on his deathbed he still laid sobbing,
the tears had dimmed his eyes so far.
none to fear! for no one is near,
in this exclusive hospital ward in qatar.

his final moments were spent in a sorrowful reminiscence,
as he hummed to the tune little pony made.
the tv went on in a forlorn monologue,
as the machines became softer.
as the castle that the hermit made got
it's 120 seconds on air,
the man with the magic toys felt
his guts laid bare.

my brilliant solution to bad refs

2006-11-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

my brilliant solution to bad refs

(i have posted the below in a serious football forum, for intelligent debate i emphasise.)

---------------

Subject: my brilliant solution to bad refs..

Remove them altogether.

That's just an interesting view I conceived anyway. With all the talk on using technology in officiating, why can't we just make use of computerised refereeing? After all, with all the referee-bashing going on, who would want to be a ref in future?

Assuming they can get the technology up to scratch, dubious offside and goal-line incidents can potentially be eliminated. The system can also be programmed to such an effect that there's a pre-programmed set of standards that it follows, removing the problem of inconsistencies and whereby a challenge is a yellow in one match and nothing in another.

If we wanna take this further, we can even go to the extent of attaching microchips to players, with the intention of judging intent in going for every challenge. For example, if player H intentionally wants to hurt player C, his blood pressure or heartbeat or some obscure stat about his body may be different from when he's making a normal challenge. And thus from there we can judge intent by measuring this stat against what it is in an average, normal challenge.

And for diving, let's say if player R goes to ground in the penalty area when the contact put upon him by the defender is less than 'x' newtons, he will be automatically booked for diving.

There's no one for players to argue with or crowd around too. Managers then have the right to contest decision about twice or thrice in a game, a bit like the way tennis goes these days, and a panel of 7-10 judges, separated in different rooms with access to different camera angles will make a decision in 30 seconds to 1 minute. With nothing else to distract players from the football itself it could come as a very welcome water break.

A game of football would then be truly be a match of skill, determination, without much of the brouhaha about mistakes and bad refereeing and diving that we see in today's game. It's a purist's dream maybe.

But then again, that takes much of the fun out of watching football perhaps. I for one always look forward to hearing what Jose says when we're a victim of crap refereeing. (Pretty often I would add)

Views anyone? A long long shot, kinda like building castles in the air, but with technology nowadays it seems like nothing is impossible.

Views please. :D

---------------------

disclaimer: the abovementioned information is my brainchild, and this appearing on my blog, means that the author reserve the copyright to it. the author reserves the right to compensation should the idea be taken up by FIFA.

a long shoutout

2006-10-31T18:51:00.000+08:00

a long shoutout

to claire: i thought you just said that love is a "high-risk investment", implying it to be full of uncertainty? then you tagged to say that it's a matter of "adopting the right strategies". HMM.

i don't wanna sound like i think i'm an investment guru, (although i'd love to be) , but investments should always have certainty about them. not that you'd always or even generally be right, but when you're wrong you should know how bad it'd be, worst case scenario and all.

i don't wanna sound like doctor love, (although i'd love to be), but i truly believe "love", or anything else people construe to be love, is not quite a matter of method or strategy. some people do it all but in vain, centering their lives and souls into what turns out to be a fruitless endeavour. for a few (very few i see) others everything just falls into place nice and sweet, effortlessly.

this makes being in a relationship or figuring them out more difficult than making millions of dollars. you couldn't have imagined that could you.

disclaimer: any resemblance of this post to the most dedicated tag reply, the one that i put most effort in, and the fact that claire has elicited the longest tag reply, is purely coincidental.

---------------------

more shoutouts!

jas: pretty natural i guess. life has a way of running away from us sometimes. catch up soon! ( i somehow think this reply is pretty smart too, if you get it. lol. )

tab: full of randomness, as usual. nice to have you back!

emiko: yes i have. and no, i didn't do it because he is YOUR king.

bestie!: i hate this "bestie" name. it's so cliched and overused. but love ya all the same! i can't quite guess whatever you're gonna do with your problem that you have, but let me know anyway yeah. date soon! just don't get yourself too down and all over him. go easy on the alcohol too!

'weird al' yankovic - don't download this song

2006-10-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

'weird al' yankovic - don't download this song

Once in a while
Maybe you will feel the urge.
To break international copyright laws
By downloading mp3s
From file sharing sites
Like morphous or grogster or limewire or kazza.

But deep in your heart
You know the guilt would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
Cause you start out stealing songs
Then you’re robbing liquor stores
And selling Crack
And running over school kids with your car

[Chorus]
So Don’t Download This Song
The record store is where you belong
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh Don’t Download This Song

Oh you don’t want to mess
With the R-I-Double-A
They’ll sue you if you burn that CD-R
It doesn’t matter if you’re a grandma
Or a seven year old girl
They’ll treat you like the evil hard-bitten criminal scum you are

[Chorus]
So don’t Download This Song (don’t go)
Pirating music all day long
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh don’t Download This Song

Don’t take away money
From artists just like me
How else can I afford another solid gold Humvee
And diamond studded swimming pools
These things don’t grow on trees
So all I ask is everybody pleaseeeeeeeee

[Chorus]
Don’t Download This Song (Don’t do it No No)
Even Lars Urlich Know it’s wrong (You could just ask him)
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (You Really Should)
Oh Don’t Download This Song

Don’t Download This Song (Oh please don’t you do it or you)
Might Wind up in Jail like Tommy Chong (Remember Tommy)
Go and buy the CD (Right Now) like you know that you should (Go out and Buy it)
Oh Don’t Download This Song.

Don’t Download This Song (No no no no no no)
Or you’ll burn in hell before to long (And you deserve it)
Go and buy the CD (Just buy it) like you know that you should (You should get it)

drive on

2006-10-27T21:49:00.000+08:00

drive on

more and more, i'm beginning to appreciate the merits of public transport.

especially with an ipod in hand.

i'm in your corner

2006-10-26T19:51:00.000+08:00

i'm in your corner

many a times, sitting in a quiet corner and having a nice chat about practically anything with someone who understands, someone who's so similar, can be more rewarding than going to the movies, clubbing or all the razzmatazz that comes with anything else you can do with friends.

so hope you're happy now! (now that you've been mentioned -_-)

blablabla

2006-10-23T21:51:00.000+08:00

blablabla

i now have something to rant about: this blogger beta thing lost my post that i have typed.

thankfully for you all, nothing life-changing there.

i've been on lull, with my mind kinda like going on auto-pilot. you couldn't have imagined it could you.

i don't know what's going on, but it seems like i'm really running on empty.

to say i'm pretty happy with army life doesn't exactly make for a "rant-and-rave", emotionally-charged blog post does it? but yeah, i've been, pretty much. i complain here and there, and it's something army has trained us all to do. but then again looking at things in perspective i have it better than many people.

right now, just for the record, i'm on a driving course, learning to handle a military jeep. at least i don't feel like my time is wasted. only thing is that i won't probably be driving a jeep much after the course. hmmm.

right now, i'm hoping for a life-changing, explosive something to come into my life. (they say you should be careful what you wish for)

and i'll be making my comeback in the big-time of the financial markets soon. just love it.

-----------

note: the original author has quite ran out of things to blog about, thus he goes on about things no one wants to read about. he sincerely apologises, although he doesn't quite mean it cause it's his blog. love, draude.

----------

sorry for the interruption mates. some shoutouts:

tab: nice to hear, hmm i've been quite fine too. to the extent that things are getting a bit stale.

madflanker: i've been enjoying typing rubbish. debate's a bit too heavy for me at the moment, given my miniscule amounts of intelleccttual stimmulation. (i can't even spell properly now, shit.)

all cech well-wishers: we all love him. great man, even better keeper and all the best to him. just that he'll be out for anything from six months to forever. :(

emiko: it did went so well didn't it. :)

i need

2006-10-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

i need

i need, i need, i need to rant. really do. non-football-watching people, you have the right not to read this entry. but it's kinda interesting anyway i'd say, and i'll try to minimise the jargon.

so poor petr (cech, chelsea's keeper) was taken out by this reading midfielder steven hunt. he slid on the ground, and inexplicably bent down his knee, kneeing poor petr in the skull. it was a challenge that is, to put it most lightly, wildly reckless and at worst, blatant assault and an unmeditated attempt to cause grievous bodily harm.

draw your own conclusions but for me, biased or not, that deserved a red card whether he meant it or not. (clue: that prick was laughing and everything after it all.)

note: in this instance, the referee decided there was nothing wrong, and no card. (i can go on about the ref but i won't, for now.)

so poor petr, with a depressed fractured skull and out of action for up to a year (that's 365 days), you might think he would get some sympathy. let's see what the people are saying.

sky sports (who asked READING midfielder sidwell): no way was it intentional. i know him, and he wouldn't do such a thing. (so much for fair and reliable sources.)

teamtalk.com: cech is just making a meal out of it. (football-speak for "he's faking it")

professional footballers' association chief gordon taylor: hunt can sue mourinho (chelsea's manager) for saying that it's deliberate.

the daily mail: it is chelsea, not hunt, who needs to apologise.

now, i know people dislike chelsea, but this is getting a bit silly.

basically, everyone who thinks that it was an "accident" and just "tough luck for chelsea" (who, by the way, deserve the tough luck cause we are enemies of football) generally hide behind the lame reasoning that we cannot punish hunt cause it is too difficult to prove his intent.

and i say it's lame cause if you handle the ball in your box, your opponent gets a penalty, whether you meant it or not. if you tried to tackle and missed, catching your opponent, it's still a foul whether you meant it or not.

i cast my mind back to this tackle, a few months back:

yes, i would not deny it was a bad and reckless tackle. yes, i would not be biased and say he didn't deserve to get a red card, 'cause he did. and no, i wouldn't claim that he didn't mean to do it just because "i know him". (although i do, and he's an amazingly quiet and shy person who broke down in the aftermath of this incident amidst all the media pressure)

back then, everyone somehow knew for certain he deliberately intended to injure liverpool's hamann. the referee thought it was nothing too. but what happens? the newspapers, tv, radio, the vegetable seller and the pantry lady all roared in protest that such a travesty can happen without punity. so what does the FA (governing body of english football [my foot]) do? they "study the replays", and ban essien for 3 games anyway.

if anything at all, at least essien was closer to the ball than hunt ever got/could ever get. basically, in football, the further away from the ball you are when you make physical contact, the higher your culpability.

believe me, if it was john terry (england's and unfortunately, chelsea's captain) who made that challenge on a goalkeeper, we'd be seeing the replay daily and everyone will call for him to be banned for 20 games, his england captaincy stripped and given to gerrard (of liverpool, incidentally), chelsea to be deducted 5 points, fined 10 million pounds (roman can afford it anyway) and mourinho to be jailed for perjury when he said that terry didn't mean it. i would not be the least surprised.

rant over. damn. it's been long.

2006-10-13T21:34:00.000+08:00

quote of the day

flashing on tv mobile: "bangladesh's muhammed yunus wins nobel prize"

eugene: "who is that? greatest construction worker alive?"

shoot him.

anyway, yunus is the economist who pioneered the concept of "microlending" to lift millions out of poverty. he started his own bank, and lends out an average of US$200 per person, for them to like but a few chickens or cows to get started somewhere. it's a significant amount, considering people get stuck in debt, and sometimes even debt-slavery, for amounts as low as 5-10 takas (20 cents maximum).

worldwide, this concept has helped about 17 million people get out of poverty. cheers.

------------------------------------

shoutouts:

haven't done shoutouts for so long!

emiko: i would, if i can find ballack's blog. or of any other blue for that matter. you know it. nowwwww who's the biased one?!

tab: hang in there! or wait, is it already over by now? hahah sorry!

the five good men: 'nuff said really. :)

corinna: ok ok! lol.

katie: hey love! did i sound sad? oh i think i am, kinda. but whatever lah, one more year of moaning and complaining and it'd be all over! haha. i've explored PAD a good deal i think. AND, it's really hard reaching you. i can't even see if ure online, gotta guess. boo. date soon!

to 5 good men:

2006-10-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

to 5 good men:

i was going to sleep. but felt a sudden, intense need to come here and get all mushy and everything.

anyway, for all those out there, today was posting day. wasn't much of a posting day for me or anything like a "new camp" to look forward (or dread) to, cause essentially i was gonna go back to the same place.

but, to my five best buddies down there. (it's damn obvious lah, we're always apart from the rest.) a short message of less than a 160 characters could hardly convey all that i wanna say. thus me being here. all the minutes and hours spent crapping away at the training shed, talking about life, money, games, girls and sex (actually it's just girls and sex most of the time) were there and made life so much more bearable.

all the "strife", sometimes childish but nevertheless endlessly entertaining, thinking of all the funny things we're gonna do but never actually get close to doing them.

the silly bingo games that we take so seriously.

THAT time when it was just four of us on a rainy friday in PAD.

trying to sneak back home early with the 'mission impossible' music playing in our own minds secretly.

all the times we laugh out loud in the training shed when the rest are relatively silent.

and us again, being caught for not surrendering our phones.

and us, as always, laughing through everything that they've thrown at us.

time to move on dudes. but please stay together. it's always the same words when people part, but not quite often do people actually follow up on the "stay in touch" thing.

but yeah, please do. love you all.

love,
the one stuck in PAD still.

thus spoke zarathustra

2006-10-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

thus spoke zarathustra

...Zarathustra grapsed the tree beside which the young man was sitting and spoke thus:

"if i wanted to shake this tree with my hands I should be unable to do it."

"but the wind, which we cannot see, torments it and bends it where it wishes. it is invisible hands that torment and bend us the most."

-from "thus spoke zarathustra" by friedrich nietzsche

teaser of the week

2006-10-02T21:21:00.000+08:00

teaser of the week

okay i'm bored, so i have a little brainteaser for you people out there, who think you know your showbiz and entertainment industry stuff. here goes:

what do renee zellwegger, madonna, tara reid, owen wilson, bryan adams, half of depeche mode, half of the sex pistols, busta rhymes, geri halliwell, bill clinton and vidal sassoon all have in common?

don't be daunted if it seems difficult. it's not. answers on tagboard. :D

----------------------------------------

shoutouts:

jajami: we'll try. although you know it's not easy. hah.

cori: we're only human. don't be that harsh on yourself. heh. (you should!)

tab: hmm, well, good luck? haha. not quite sure what to say. i bet everyone says that but yeah, it's the best i can manage so far.

i just said nothing at all.

2006-09-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

i just said nothing at all.

when there was almost no distance between us, i had none of the right words to say.

when you say nothing at all

2006-09-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

when you say nothing at all

in situations of an emotional connection, or a telepathic understanding, the worst form of communication, the kind without no form of connection whatsoever, can turn out to be the most powerfully moving and beautifully delicate.

thus i sit and wait, and wish.

-------------------------------------------------

emiko: babe, ure the one, with all the real stuff. the real weird stuff. HA.

tab: hello! it's unnecessary info really. and oh, aren't we all broke? that's how it seems like anyway.

the cottage, the tree

2006-09-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

the cottage, the tree and me

running hard, but not feeling anything,
towards a pretty, peaceful, loving place.
where trees of pine stand with quiet strength,
where a cottage on the still lake is the human face.

there on the bridge, charming and old,
stood my love who was waving at me.
she decided against collecting flowers,
so we'll just sit right there and sing.

in our tired voices we serenade,
cheesy love songs from so far away.
we've been up all night my dear,
but your voice keeps sleep at bay.
as the birds try to keep pace,
the scene was of oneness and glee.
smiling with its wrinkled brown eyes
was the biggest, oldest tree.
our laughs pierce the morning silence,
as we go off-key.
but nothing could mar a beautiful morning,
the cottage, the tree, my love and me.

and father time did go to rest,
the moment your lips danced around mine.
there was no distance between us on the cottage floor so sacred,
and we bathed in the gold rays of dawn uninhibited and naked.

running on alone and not feeling anything,
towards a pretty, peaceful, loving place.
where trees of pine stand with quiet strength,
where a cottage on the still lake is the human face.
where all things could be new again,
and i could tell you what i've always meant.
where the picture would finally be complete;
the picture of the cottage, the tree, my love and me.

shouts!

2006-09-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

shouts!

tab: erm, i've seen the pics. studying is fun, wished i was doing that still. and yeah, i think you should get all the awards that you think you deserve. :)

all that had wished me a happy birthday: it's not that a birthday meant a lot to me, really. but it's you people that put the meaning into the day.

all that had NOT wished me a happy birthday: lol, never mind.

emiko: gawd, i can't believe ure still at it after one year. jeez! hahaha.

cori: hey! i'm really sorry! i don't read everyone's blogs everyday, i have so many! haha. and you had a tagboard? i still can't find it. sorrysorry! greatly appreciated too. :D and oh, i refer to one of your posts where you were talking about carl's jr. the staff IS friendly! (i think.) ure the eng lang student okay!

some people have it all

2006-09-11T12:08:00.000+08:00

some people have it all

"A woman who won $1 million from a state lottery game four years ago has improbably hit the jackpot again.

Valerie Wilson, who works at a Long Island deli, said she won another $1 million on a lottery scratch-off game last month."

what were the odds?! -drumroll

1 in 3,669,120,000,000 !

and well, for those who can't count (lol), the chances were 'slightly' lower than 1 in three and a half trillion.

sleep, could be so hard.

2006-09-10T04:35:00.000+08:00

sleep, could be so hard.

as i had just a little bit too much to drink, all i could think of..

i haven't (not really, anyway) dared to say. or show.

i need to sleep.

economic thought of the day

2006-09-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

economic thought of the day

some wise words from the great one:

"in the long run, we're all dead"
- john maynard keynes

----------------------------

if i knew how to make an infinite percent profit, why couldn't everyone else do it too?

----------------------------

shoutouts:

cori: err, i'm still very undecided. i dunch know!

aarthi: hey! haven't from you for so long and you didn't come for our dinner with mr teo too! boo.

tab: yeah, i know how studying all the time felt. and i wished i was doing that. :|

did you know..?

2006-09-02T22:13:00.000+08:00

did you know..?

that beancurd doesn't freeze.

(i'm speaking as if it's the universal truth but actually i'm just assuming. can't seem to find any info on the net)

----------------------------------

shoutouts!

mel: yeah, fass. haha i think i might just end up doing literature after all! it's always been something that has turned me on. and well, you don't gain success without paying your dues, and learning (many times the hard way).

tab: good luck yeah!

everybody loves chelsea (esp. the FA)

2006-08-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

everybody loves chelsea

Chelsea FC's intolerance for banned drugs led them to conduct tests privately on adrian mutu, whom the club had initially suspected of drug abuse. mutu was subsequently found guilty of taking cocaine and sacked from the club. in doing so, chelsea have lost approximately 8 million pounds and a heck of a footballer (had he not been a druggie).

in a glowing commendation for chelsea's gallant efforts in their fight to stamp out drugs, the Football Association have released the following statement:

"At an Independent Disciplinary Commission hearing today, Chelsea FC were fined £40,000 and issued with a warning after a charge of breaching FA Rule E25 was found proved.

Chelsea were charged in relation to the independent private drug testing the club conducted on some of its players on 12 July 2004. The Commission found that, in conducting such tests, the club had breached The FA's Doping Control Regulations."

yayy.

lalala.

2006-08-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

lalala.

another week. of nothing to be had here.

the pursuit of a career and money can be extremely tiring. and you kinda understand why adults always used to say stuff like "i wished i was still a student like you".

and i get squemish whenever i pick up the courage to log on to dbs i-banking and check out my bank account status. mid-life crisis, positively. and rather prematurely.

premier league season has begun, and it hasn't been all good for the big blue machine.

--------------------

shoutouts:

everyone: sorry i haven't been updating. i really wanna be doing something. you know..

tab: ohwell even you are going quiet now. HA.

cori: i am so undecided, mann. i may just end up heading for fass. agrghgrghh.

-------------------

on the issue of stem-cell research and bush's insistence to curtail public funding for it:

"isn't it just common sense to assume that a ball of cells frozen in liquid nitrogen is not the same as a 5-year old girl with diabetes?"

the rising tied

2006-08-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

the rising tied

i've just got fort minor's album and my first thoughts are along the lines of "damn why did i take so long."

even their average to below-average songs made me dance along, working myself into a little sweat. pretty good. :)

uni woes (before i even enter)

2006-08-20T15:34:00.001+08:00

uni woes

damn, i've been neglecting this thing. just haven't had the energy to blog conscientiously.

furthermore, there was so much to complain about in the not-so-distant past. it may be a good thing eh, not having stuff to write about here.

firstly, football season is upon us again, finally. i wonder how i survived without it. -quietly sniggers at liverpool and arsenal.

also, making the news, smu's having a new law school. which confuses me. should i take a shot at law? it's all nice and good telling all and sundry that i'm a law student whenever they ask, (or sometimes when they don't ask) and i'm pretty sure i'd be quite interested in it. so why? i've been thinking about the kind of people i'd meet and be working with daily in law school. damn, so cutthroat. and i'm so unlike someone seemingly "made for it". too playful perhaps.

and which leads me to another thing: uni minus campus life. i've got this thing creeping in the back of my mind saying that going through uni without having a taste of campus life is kinda stupid. like char siew rice without char siew. or sex without an orgasm. "then go nus lah". but fass in nus just isn't that appealing. although yes, the people i'd know there would be damn fun. practically, i need stuff with a business/corporate-world twist. smu gives that, which fass doesn't.

it's pretty unnerving now considering how i've always been quite sure that smu's where i wanna be. at least i have more time to re-think.

so there, my most personal post (i feel) in a long time.

------------------------------

shoutouts:

tab: maybe it is.. it's the company you know. :D

junelle: liverpool hadn't won! =)

cori: nice abbreviated username that dispels the possibility of mis-spe(i)lling. and oh, haha yeah i think that paragraph will sound damn impressive! just thought it really caught my eye.

emiko: it's just a over-hyped friendly! (insert groans from other fans) hahaha.

democracy and the human science.

2006-08-16T20:28:00.000+08:00

democracy and the human science.

"democracies have great rational and imaginative powers. yet they also are prone to irrationality, parochialism, haste, sloppiness and selfishness. education based mainly on profitability in the global markets magnifies these deficiencies - to the point that they threaten the very life of democracy itself. we need to favour an education that cultivates the critical capacities, that fosters a complex understanding of the world and its peoples and that educates and refines the capacity for sympathy. in short, an education that cultivates human beings rather than useful machines. if we do not insist on the crucial importance of the humanities and the arts, they will drop away. they don't make money, but they do something far more precious: they make a world worth living in."

- martha nussbaum, Ernst Freund Distinguised Service professor of law and ethics at the University of Chicago.

2006-08-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

random walk

cynicism and sarcasm can be really fun too, actually.

at least life won't be so twisted.

--------------------------------------------

it's always important to have an opinion, even if it's not your own.

--------------------------------------------

the army's all about accountability. or in other words who to blame when things go wrong.

--------------------------------------------

shoutouts:

corinna: don't we all love some irony. heh.

tab: but it's just a big theme park!

the lake house

2006-08-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

the house

yes, the ending was a major let-down. it just looked like they didn't put in much thought into the ending, seeming like a convenient and lazy resolution. the movie was brilliant built up, extremely frustrating and full of tension. and then they just met like that.

but it was beautiful nonetheless. it was a pursuit of something impossible. something so far away, something kinda like love.

and they never gave up. and eventually a love blossoms so unreal, but powerful enough to defeat the forces of time, fate and death.

as mistress puts it, so delicate, so surreal but so unreal. so "screw reality" (at least for a while).

and yes mistress, thanks for those gummy bears, and the thought behind them. i reallyreally do appreciate the niceness and silliness. that's why you're my favourite mistress! :D

and oh, people always say about some kinds of music that it takes time to get to you. the arctic monkeys has got to me now!

hey ya.

2006-08-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

hey ya.

uh huh, uh huh. go on?

i bet you didn't know: the owners of adidas and puma are brothers. a case of sibling rivalry on a really big scale.

----------------------------------------------

shoutouts!

tab: yes i wish you all the best. :D

corinna: hahaha i'm sorry i couldn't resist replying on the tagboard before i bothered to blog. (sofunny!) -ok i feel silly. but LOL.

shoutouts

2006-08-05T01:20:00.000+08:00

shoutouts

tab: i've thought of it. and a parent's love is really the purest kind of unconditional love. emotionally, physically and financially having children is never wise. but still.. okay lah a bit off. but well.

mel: what was fun? and err yes, i'll be back! haha.

corinna: hello! yes of course! i've linked ya too.

------------------------------------------------------------

infinitely happier. not really.

consumed like poison ravaging through a sickly body.

fu*k you

2006-08-02T21:41:00.000+08:00

fu*k you

my biggest fall, my lowest moment. and the most painful fall from grace.

as i stare failure in the face, i would tell it,

"fu*k you."

it won't be the end of me. YEAH.

quiz!

2006-07-31T19:28:00.000+08:00

quiz!

stole this from elaine's blog.

here's the deal:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
And there you have it.
-------------------------------------------------

How am i feeling today? the wallflowers - beautiful side of somewhere. [sounds right]

Will i get far in life? madonna - hung up [mann.]

How do my friends see me? bon jovi - one wild night [no, not really..]

Where will i get married? westlife - where we belong [mystical! haha.]

What is my best friend's theme song? death cab for cutie - state street residential [..?]

What is the story of my life? enya - one by one [full of goodbyes?]

What is/was high school like? coldplay - parachutes [-shrugs]

How can i get ahead in life? stereophonics - dakota [-shrugs]

What is the best thing about me? shaggy - hey sexy lady [!]

What is today going to be like? the bravery - unconditional [-shrugs]

What's in store for you this weekend? motion city soundtrack - make out kids [ooh wow really.]

What song describe my parents(s)? death cab for cutie - flustered/hey tomcat! [not too far away from the truth]

To describe my grandparents? the strokes - you only live once [don't we all?]

How is my life going? pet shop boys - being boring [probably right. damn.]

What song will they play at my funeral? the postal service - sleeping in [yes please!]

How does the world see me? the decemberists - the bagman's gambit [-shrugs]

Will i have a happy life? switchfoot - lonely nation [oh. mann.]

What do my friends really think of me? vertican horizon - best i ever had [i hope!]

Do people secretly lust after me? dashboard confessionals - ender will save us all [means no i think]

How can i make myself happy? good charlotte - i just wanna live [yeah, i do.]

What should i do with my life? coldplay - a rush of blood to the head [hmm.]

Will i ever have children? collective soul - run [hahaha.]

so brainless.

..

2006-07-30T02:01:00.000+08:00

..

it's painful to realise i can cause you so much anguish.

left.

2006-07-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

left.

leaving that place for the last time just felt weird. the goodbyes from many people whom i don't usually talk to, signing the book and walking through the gates. it felt great, and the little nostalgia generated just wasn't enough to outweigh much ill-feeling.

give me a little rest, and i pray i'd be happier when i go back to army life.

------------------------------------------

i wish i knew where we are going. what we're doing. i wish i knew what you want.

'cause we're going nowhere. and we're going there fast.

------------------------------------------

shoutouts!

tab: hmm okay i know. getting second sucks. you feel it when you watch/play soccer. it feels good to get second when it's unexpected but it's such a loss.

emiko: oops! ahaha.

mel: haha err, i apologise if my poem isn't that accurate in terms of the laws of physics.

jas: ?? -_-

steel plates

2006-07-22T11:44:00.000+08:00

steel plates

the shine and lustre of those plates,
steely and cold and with kisses of ice.
from which he gets his daily fill
of hope and fear and that could entice.
was gradually fading itself away,
much like a sickly child uncured.
and all that was left behind these doors
was all the affliction and torment that was endured.

the plates all fall from the kitchen sink,
that place that was so sacrosanct.
where fluids of life would wash away
bitterness and troubles, file and rank.
the sink itself turned to clay,
frozen and barren it had become.
just more and more unmovable,
to nothing else would it succumb.

the metal dishes slammed into
the greasy, deathly concrete floor.
it had morphed into something so fragile,
yet like a stone it moved no more.
the chef just could not bear to see
the potential destruction that could be.
with one finger he prodded his subjects,
ashes to ashes and some last respects.